P471Digitext470HOLD

SIX TIMES MORTAL KOMBAT WAS BLAMED FOR REAL-WORLD VIOLENCE ----- 471

THE SECRET AFTERLIFE OF THE AMIGA CD32 ----- 472

THE DIGITISER FRIDAY LETTERS PAGE ----- 473

This Month in...charts ----- 474

Violet Berlin ----- 475

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Key:
To be implemented
Available

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HELP

To advance (quickly) through the pages, press right square bracket key (located near the enter key), otherwise the pages will move forward every minute

To pause a page press "h" and then again to unpause

To move to another page (like 470) just type it in

NIGHT NETWORK

From 12am till 6am the site will play easy listening music to simulate the closedown of TV from the early eighties. This was initially started by Ceefax (the BBC teletext service) but did get picked up by Teletext.

FASTTEXT

Fasttext now added. This helped to jump to pages quickly without the need to key in the numbers. Bamboozle used this to great effect - to see this key in 452.

REVEAL

To be implemented.

ABOUT

I originally wanted to write a Windows 95 simulator as a follow-on homage to LGR's DOS portion of website - http://www.lazygamereviews.com/prompt/. I figured it should work quite well with the advancement in javascript over the years and it meant that I could utilise more JS programming skills as I don't do much of that currently.

I didn't want to use jQuery as I would only be using a small portion of that code and I wanted to try and keep the site as tightly written as possible, without excessive code. I have seen another website that does use jQuery and interestingly that is based more on Ceefax rather than mine which is Teletext based. You can find the site here: http://worldofpaul.com/teletext/.

SO WHY DIGITISER?

Around 2017, Mr Biffo (Paul Rose) of Digitiser fame, surfaced back into the "limelight" and was attending retro gaming events talking about the old Digitiser days. I thought it'd be pretty cool to make an online teletext simulator using nothing but HTML, CSS and Javascript. This would be a cut down challenge from the Windows based one and so here we are.

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Bamber Boozler poses another 12 questions. Answer using fasttext at the bottom. One wrong and you must try again.

Can you answer all 12 in one attempt?

Press RED to begin

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Game consoles. What was the codename for the Sega 32X?

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Red:Project Mars


Green:Project Jupiter


Yellow:Project Neptune


Cyan:Project Uranus


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History. On 16th August 1819, in Manchester, which peaceful demonstration turned into a massacre?

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Red:The Waterloo Massacre


Green:The Peterloo Massacre


Yellow:The Valentines Day Massacre


Cyan:Fort Hood Massacre


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Films. Which film is well known for this quote: "I see dead people"?

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Red:Ghostbusters


Green:Thirteen Ghosts


Yellow:Ghost


Cyan:The Sixth Sense


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Cartoons. Who voiced Batman in Batman: The Animated Series?

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Red:Michael Keaton


Green:Val Kilmer


Yellow:Kevin Conroy


Cyan:George Clooney


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What word completes this book series by Kim Stanley Robinson: Red ____. Green ____. Blue ____.

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Red:Mars


Green:Jupiter


Yellow:Ceres


Cyan:Titan

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Bad luck!

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YOU'VE BEEN BAMBOOZLED


Do you wish to play again? If so, press red below

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Software. What year was Deluxe Paint released?

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Red:1984


Green:1987


Yellow:1985


Cyan:1983


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Hulk Hogan celebrates his 66th birthday this month. What is his real name?

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Red:Terry Bollea


Green:Terry Veneables


Yellow:Jerry Smith


Cyan:Jerry Lawler


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Comics. What was the name of the bard in Asterix?

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Red:Getafix


Green:Cacofonix


Yellow:Vitalstatistix


Cyan:Dogmatix


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Politics. Who has been the only woman to be selected as Speaker of the House of Commons?

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Red:Margaret Thatcher


Green:Ann Widdecombe


Yellow:Theresa May


Cyan:Betty Boothroyd


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Geography. Which river flows through Paris?

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Red:River Elbe


Green:River Seine


Yellow:River Rhine


Cyan:River Loire


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Internet. What does HTML stand for?

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Red:Hyper Type Machine Language


Green:Hyper Text Machine Language


Yellow:Hyper Tutorial Markup Language


Cyan:Hyper Text Markup Language


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Which is the odd one out of these Bond films:

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Red:Goldfinger


Green:Dr. No


Yellow:Never Say Never Again


Cyan:Thunderball


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Well done! How many did you get right first time? Check your rating below

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Whenever a real bad thing happens in America, the chubby finger of blame is often wafted in the direction of video games.Indeed, President Donald Covefefe-Plenty-Of-Oil-Everybody-Loves-Me Trump did just this recently, in the wake of the shootings in Texas and Ohio which left 31 people dead in the space of 24 hours.You know, rather than attributing it to something like, oh I dunno, America's absurdly relaxed gun laws and the radicalisation of disenfranchised young men by a culture and an administration which allows white supremacy to flourish unchecked.Since the series first debuted in 1992, Mortal Kombat - famed for its gory, over-the-top, finishing moves, such as freezing an opponent in a block of ice and shattering them, or using telekinetic abilities to pull an enemy's entrails out through their mouth, or dismembering somebody with a sharp hat - has often been linked to real-world acts of violence. The franchise has been at the centre of various studies into the psychological effects of gaming violence, and was named during the infamous 1993 US Congressional hearing, which led to increased industry regulation. Consequently, various incarnations of the series have been banned around the world, and the latest instalment, Mortal Kombat 11, is unavailable in China, Japan, Indonesia, and Ukraine. Her are six times Mortal Kombat - a game in which it is possible to swallow a fellow combatant whole, and spit out their bones, or inflate their head like a balloon - was linked to real-life awfulness.

COLUMBINE HIGH SCHOOL MASSACRE

Admittedly, Mortal Kombat was just one of three games name-checked by President Bill Blue-Dress-Kneepads-Cigar-Tastes-Good-Epstein Clinton in the wake of the 1999 Columbine High School shooting, which saw teenagers Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold shoot and kill 12 of their peers and one teacher. Addressing the nation, he rasped: "Video games like Mortal Kombat, Killer Instinct, and Doom, the very game played obsessively by the two young men who ended so many lives in Littleton, make our children more active participants in simulated violence."While there is no direct evidence that either shooter was inspired by Mortal Kombat - a game in which players can transform into a dragon and bite their enemies in half - Harris did write in his journal that the pair's assault would "Be like the the LA riots, the Oklahoma bombing, WWII, Vietnam, Duke and Doom all mixed together." Strangely, Clinton did not blame American wars or the decades of community tension and institutionalised police racism which led to the LA riots.Perhaps inspired by Clinton's words, several parents of the deceased filed unsuccessful lawsuits against game manufacturers, including Sony America, AOL/TimeWarner, ID Software, Atari, Sega of America, Virgin Interactive Media, Activision, Polygram Film Entertainment Distribution, New Line Cinema, GT Interactive Software and Nintendo.But not Midway Games, the creators of Mortal Kombat.

MORUMBI SHOPPING MALL MASSACRE

Three people were killed when 24 year-old medical student Mateus da Costa Meira went on a shooting spree at the Morumbi shopping mall in Sao Paulo, the same year as the Columbine massacre. Da Costa Meira was a known gamer, said to be particularly enamoured with the Duke Nukem franchise, and was found to have a large collection of illegally copied games. In the direct wake of the shooting, Brazil banned six games it felt were no longer acceptable: Doom, Requiem, Blood, Postal, Duke Nukem 3D, and - inevitably - Mortal Kombat. A game in which one fighter can make a giant trash compact shoot out of their chest, and use it to crush his opponents.A spokesman for the Brazilian government raged at the time: "The games are considered violent and affecting people who play them, particularly children."​It was probably nothing, but da Costa Meira was also diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder, and found to have traces of cocaine in his system.

THE MURDER OF DIEGO AGUILAR

In 2007, 20 year-old Patrick Morris shot 15 year-old Diego Aguilar five times with a twelve-gauge shotgun. At his trial, Morris's attorney argued that games such as Grand Theft Auto and Mortal Kombat - which he was alleged to have played for up to seven hours at a time - may have blurred the shooter's ability to understand the consequences of his violent actions. ​Again, it was probably nothing, but Morris received a prison sentence after it was found that he had shot Aguilar in return for giving him a fake diamond as payment for some magic mushrooms.

THE MURDER OF ZOE GARCIA

Also in 2007, and billed as the "Mortal Kombat Murder" by sensationalist newspaper headlines, teenagers Lamar Roberts and 16-year-old Heather Trujillo beat her seven year-old sister to death. According to a story in the Denver Post, Roberts told police that they were acting out moves from Mortal Kombat - a game in which it is possible rip the skin off somebody by shrieking at them - and that his fists were "registered as lethal weapons". Following their assault, he pair attempted to revive the child by running her under a tap, and then cracked an egg in her mouth “to see if she was messing around with them...”That's not a joke.However, when speaking to the Greely Tribune, Trujillo's aunt claimed that Roberts made up the Mortal Kombat story "to look tough".When asked at his trial why he didn't stop the beating when the seven-year-old asked him to, Roberts said: "I don't know... I was drunk!"He was sentenced to 36 years in prison, while Trujillo was given a 17-year suspended sentence. 

THE CHARLESTON CHURCH MASSACRE

In 2015, self-confessed white supremacist Dylann Roof shot and killed nine African-American worshippers during a service at the Emmanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in Charleston, South Carolina - one of the oldest black churches in the USA. Though Roof had posted online a manifesto full of racial hatred, CNN correspondent Ashleigh Banfield, during an interview with a Democratic congressman who was defending the continued use of the controversial Confederate flag, nevertheless described white supremacy as leading to the "Mortal Kombat murders of nine innocent churchgoers". That's Mortal Kombat, the game where you can pull a face so scary that it makes a person's soul leap out of their body.Banfield failed to elaborate on her stupid description, instead choosing to cut the interview short.

SANDY HOOK SCHOOL MASSACRE

In the wake of the 2012 Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting, in which 20 year-old Adam Lanza killed 26 people, including 20 children, America's gun laws once again came under scrutiny. Inevitably, the  National Rifle Association - which describes itself as America's longest-standing civil rights organisation - came out fighting.Speaking at a press conference, Wayne LaPierre, executive president of the influential political lobby group, argued: "There exists in this country a callous, corrupt and corrupting shadow industry that sells, and sows, violence against its own people, through vicious, violent video games with names like Bulletstorm, Grand Theft Auto, Mortal Kombat, and Splatterhouse."For context, Splatterhouse was released in 1988, some 26 years prior to the Sandy Hook murders. LaPierre also drew unnecessary attention to an obscure, 10 year-old, crude, home-brew Flash game called Kindergarten Killers, which was buried in the depths of the website flash-game.net. He summed up his argument by stating: "Guns don’t kill people: video games, the media and Obama’s budget kill people!”It's probably nothing, but shooter Adam Lanza was found to have struggled with mental health disorders since the age of three, and his father believed he may have been suffering from undiagnosed schizophrenia. He apparently spent most of his free time in his bedroom playing World of Warcraft, and had an "obsessive" interest in mass murders. Among his belongings, investigators found a clipping from The New York times, reporting on a school shooting in 1891, which occurred around 80 years before the rise of video games.Tangentially, Ronda Rousey, a professional wrestler who voiced the character of Sonya Blade in Mortal Kombat 11, in 2013 shared a video on her social media platforms which alleged the Sandy Hook shooting was a hoax perpetuated by the US government. In her defence  she stated: “I just figure asking questions and doing research is more patriotic than blindly accepting what you’re told."Apparently, her favourite Pokemon is Mew. 

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Did you know that the working name for the Amiga CD32 was "Spellbound"? "Toilet-bound" would've been more appropriate!!!!!!Isn't that funny? Yes. Yes it is.The Amiga CD32 was a last rattle of the tin for Commodore; a half-buttocked, ill-considered, attempt to get a palsied finger-hold in the burgeoning CD console market.Though technically it was the first 32-bit CD games console, that's a bit like praising the first moon landing attempt by a four year-old in his homemade, diarrhoea-powered, cardboard space rocket.The CD32 was hobbled by a hastily-assembled internal load of wretched old mess, a terrible controller that had all the aesthetic appeal of a particularly difficult maths equation, Commodore's astigmatic management - which lead to the machine being discontinued after just eight months and the company going bankrupt - and the continued wilful ignorance of the Amiga's audience, who boasted the collective awareness of the Pompeii resident who opened a flammable trousers shop the morning Vesuvius erupted. Oddly, in 1995 - the year following the official end of both the console, and all things Amiga - the CD32 gained a sort of vague half-life as an arcade system, courtesy of Milanese company CD Express, the result of a licensing deal struck prior to Commodore's dismal termination.Nine arcade games in total were released using the CD32 hardware (which was, even later, used inside a handful of fruit machines - Leprechaun's Luck, Hawaiian Delight and Mister Magic - by an entirely different company).And here they are; here are some of those games that I mentioned.

CANDY PUZZLE

A shameless Puzzle Bobbly/Bust-A-Move rip-off, with some 500 levels of challenge. What's most striking about this none-more-unoriginal game is the druid-like characters in background, and the fact that the purple "candy" pieces appear to be sporting what is known as a "horseshoe moustache".The bloke who did that Super Size Me documentary has one. You know: where he ate nothing but McDonald's for a month, didn't exercise, and - big surprise - his health deteriorated a bit. According to nutritionists, he ate as many McDonald's as a person should only ever eat over the course of 8 years, thus demonstrating that the film had all the educational benefit of somebody making a documentary to see what would happen if you spent a week ramming clothes pegs into your eyes instead of eating.If you're wondering what that has to do with the CD32... well, nothing. I'm only one game in, and already I'm struggling. 

HAREM CHALLENGE

An adult puzzle game, based upon Qix, where the aim was to uncover a picture of a semi-nude. In a concession to equality, you could select whether to view a male nude, or a female nude. Given that most Mediterraneans don't bat an eyelid at the sight of somebody wandering along a beach with their bits flapping around, I struggle to reconcile that with the notion of a game where nakedness is offered as an incentive. 

LASER QUIZ SERIES

Laser Quiz was a bog-standard pub quiz game series, which included a localised French version. I appreciate that this isn't a particularly interesting "tidbit", but in all honesty I thought I'd be able to find a bit more information on these games than I did.If you're wondering about the question shown in the above image, I've run it through Google translate, and it asks: "Who is the greatest rapper on earth?"The options are:A: The GiraffeB: Lil' YakC: L'Hippopotamus D: The Blue Moustache

ODEON TWISTER 1 & 2

Sorry, but I don't know what this is. It looks like some sort of multi-game thing, but then there's a section for girls, a section for boys, a section for "other pictures" (the mind boggles), and something labelled "zen". About the only thing I can find about it is that it used a touch screen. Also, there's a picture of an Oscar statuette on the screen. ​You probably could've come up with all that yourself. 

GANGSTER PURSUIT

A game in which players adopt the role of bomb-carrying gangsters, and must make it as far as possible before they fall over, causing their bomb to explode. To be completely frank with you, I'm basing this on the above image and nothing else. How did the gangsters get the bombs? Why are they already lit? Just throw them, for pity's sake! What are you worried about...?I probably should've found something else to write about. I'm fumbling around in the dark here. ​Sorry.

CAMEL RACER

A camel racing game? I mean, what else is it going to be?Here are two interesting camel facts: Camels have three eyelids. Due to the need to retain as much water as possible in the desert, Camel urine is as thick as molasses, and its faeces is so dry that it can be burnt as fuel.  Here's a diagram I found showing the digestive system of a camel, including the "Formation of Bolus". Quite where the coming together of a 1970s prog rock group fits into it is anybody's guess.

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And thus, we come to the end of another week. As you'll have seen the website has been close to something like a normal schedule. Hopefully next week we'll be back to full speed, while the Digitiser Minis continue to roll out regularly, like a carpet of wet, matted, hair.​Sunday's one has Gannon and I fannying around with an electric shock lie detector. It goes about as well as any of our videos ever do.Now read on for some important discussion about our follow-up to Digitiser The Show, and what we may - or may not - be doing next...

If you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, or you've got a picture of a bin you wish to share, please send your filthy emails to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com​​​​​​​​​​

CHATBOT

decided to get talktotransformer to write you a letter and for some reason I'm struggling to read this attempt without laughing...Dear Mr BiffoBiffo, what can I say? I'm impressed by you as a young man! You seem to have a lot of wisdom in this world. It's good to see young adventurers like yourself pursuing this line. Good luck with your venture, young man!Scene #4: The Biffo ManorEnter the Biffo Manor.Scene #5: The Biffo Manor's LobbyThe Biffo Manor's lobby.Scene #6: Biffo's OfficeEnter Biffo's office.Scene #7: On the First FloorInside the Biffo Manor.Scene #8: Biffo's StudyCeiling above Biffo's study.Biffo's StudyOn the third floor.Scene #9: Room for Secret StudiesOn the second floor.Scene #10: Two Fights Over the BookOn the first floor.Scene #11: BChris Young

That's great, Will! But please - let's have no more letters like this.

HOT BUTTON TOPIC

When it says press start and actually you can press any button that irritates me for some reason.  Just because pressing start to, well, start is traditional. Press Menu on the Xbox and Options on the PS4 can do one though. It is and forever will be Start and Select for me. I even forgot Select used to be called Back on the 360. Back? That's the B button.  B for back. Most games have B for back. Oh and the Xbox button as I call it, or home button as you might say, is neither of those. It's - wait for it - the Nexus button!  What!?Deary me. At least Nintendo still has it right don't they? Start and Select on the Switch? I don't remember, but regardless that's what they're called. Also monsters that call a controller a remote.  Controller, pad, or even game pad, I'll accept.  But remote? Remotes are for the TV.  My nephew says "remote". drives me bonkers.Big Angry Dad82 (gamertag)

Mate, you need to let this go. There are more important things going on.

BASELINE

Hello!You asked for Friday letters. I have nothing to say. As such: bum. Poo. Willy. Fanny. Also, I hope you have a wonderful, happy week that you really enjoy. You deserve it.Chai

Bog standard.

GO WEST

SCORE    0 of  500                                         Abandoned Airfield                                               ?  helpYou are standing outside an abandoned warehouse on an airfield. It is raining slightly. A dark suited figure fumbles with his keys, and inserts a large bolt key into the four-inch-side padlock. Turning the key, the padlock and rusted chain fall away.  The man pulls the massive roller door aside, decades of rust falling away from its hermetic seal. He beckons you forward, handing you the key.You step into the gloom, eyes slowly adjusting to the dimness. Before you, a cavernous space, untouched for over two decades is filled with...?Nick Walton

Good night, John Boy.

Good night, Elizabeth. Good night, Daddy.Good night, Son. Good night, Mary Ellen.Good night, Daddy. Good night, Mama.Good night, Mary Ellen.  Good night, Mama. Good night, Jim Bob. Good night, Erin.

HORROR TRUMPS

H e l l o  Monsouir Beiffo!Hope you're well! This week has been pretty boring aside from the  v e r y  interesting last few Digi-Minis. Thank you for those. Very interesting. Indeedles. Anyway! Yes. thanks.MEANWHILE!!! The Barshens news kinda made me think about a lot of really unpleasant things. For example, I had a bit of an existential crisis about what'd happen if the same thing happened to Digi. I dunno how badly that'd affect me and others I know who are really Digi-bants-reliant. Hmmmmm... anyway, that's not something I should worry about for now. At least Stuart and Barry will still be collaborating!! :)Right! The day this will be posted is a very spooky day! It's Friday the 13th, and that calls for some spooky questions! Even though it's... September... ok right questionionos!1) If you had the choice to be the apprentice of any horror villain, who would you choose?2) What's the best horror film you've seen? Also, what's the worst?3) Favourite franchise of spooky films (Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Nightmare on Elm Street, Saw, etc.) ?4) If you had the opportunity to become any monster, what would you be? (i.e. werewolf, vampire, Digi's comment section, etc.)That's all from me this week, But I'll leave you with a meme that occurred... Last week I wrote about my friend Hayley being a madlad and doing Fortnite dances (give me strength...) at the classroom doors of the Woodmill High's third year classes (their school got set on fire - oof - and now they're stuck with us).​Well yesterday, my chemistry class were tasked with helping tidy up after a first year class, and she decided that since a Woodmill class was located across the corridor from us, she'd go wave a bunsen burner at their window. She received a punishment exercise and set it on fire two minutes later when we were left alone again. Madladdery at its finest...Anyhoos, have a great weekend, Lord Biffin!Asho (@catastroasho / @ashochu_exe)

This will be a challenge. I'm not a big horror film fan unfortunately. I always find them really predictable, and a bit boring, and I struggle to suspend disbelief most of the time. 1) I dunno any of your modern horror villains. Is Jaws a horror film villain? If so, I pick Jaws the Shark.2) Again, not sure. I really liked Cabin in the Woods, but mainly because of the twist, which up-ended all the horror movie cliches. I sort of liked The Blair Witch Project. The Shining is good. Don't know if it counts as horror, but Silence of the Lambs was solid, and I liked that bit in the second one where Hannibal Lecter was feeding that guy his own brain, because it was funny. I didn't get the fuss around Get Out and Us, and couldn't stand the remake of It. If they count... Jaws and Alien.​3) I honestly don't have one. This is going well!4) The Blob. Some would say it's already happened!!!!!!?!!!!! LOLOLOLOL.​Your friend Hayley needs to be locked up.

OH, KRAY!

Dear Mr. BiffoAs for what Rockstar may do next, it looks like GTA 6 will be next. And as for where they'll set it, who knows? Tokyo has been rumoured, but personally, I'd like to see Rockstar get back to their roots, and do one set in the UK. One set in Scotland would be good.They famously did a London 1969 one 20 years ago. That was great fun, where you could play as "Maurice Caine" or "Sid Vacant", (the latter being anachronistic, as punk didn't come along for another 6-7 years). Maybe an HD remake of that would work? If they are going to do something, they'll be waiting until the PS5 is good and ready to launch.I had the first GTA and GTA London on the PC years ago, and I always preferred the latter game, with its 60's soundtrack ranging from Ska to bits from Spaghetti Western soundtracks, and the stereotypical Cockney clichés, like the gangsters based on real gangsters like the Kray Twins and that you could nick the Queen's Limo. As I said, the characters are a right rogue's gallery.
So, I agree, anywhere but Miami. But there are other songs to sing, it would be good to see Rockstar go somewhere different, even France or Italy would do. Maybe a crossover with RDR2 where we see what the western frontier looks like now? It would be easier to move around in a car!Back to RDR2, I've started adding my own soundtrack to certain scenes, like Ennio Morricone's Hateful Eight score for the snow bits, and in a baffling discovery I found by accident, I play the Rising Damp theme in the Saint Denis scenes. For some reason, that music suits the pretend New Orleans scenery. Try it and see.Keep up the good work and I look forwards to seeing more videos!

Stuart KennyCarlisle, Cumbria

Interesting. Tokyo would be a good shout for a GTA. Possibly the best shout. I do think a return to a stylised 60s London has to be on the table, though. My main concern is that the countryside around London isn't as striking as California. 

FAMILY FORTUNES

Dear Mr Biffold Man River,I hope you don't mind me asking but I was wondering what your family make of your current career, given that you've become a YouTuber with two crowd-funded series' and recently staged a sold-out theatre show? I'm also curious as to how they describe what you do to others? Do they just say you're a successful scriptwriter, or do they try and explain the whole Digi phenomenon?Love and kissy kissy,Treacle Truffle

My family are generally oblivious to it. Or, if they're aware, they don't ever mention it. I suspect they just think it's me doing to sort of thing I've always done, and being weird. They don't really seem to understand me, and that's fine. I wouldn't for a second class YouTube as a career though. I don't make a living out of it, as much as it's nice to have a regular amount coming in via Patreon (most of that is invested back into the videos). It's more a hobby-with-benefits, and an outlet for stuff I can't do in my day job. ​Before doing all these Digi things again, I was struggling a bit with my job, and starting to feel stifled. Digitiser, and YouTube especially, gives me an outlet. It's somewhere I can get creative without being given copious notes at every stage. That said, my kids are aware. One of my daughters finds it very cool - she was in the audience at the live show. Another one of them has some friends who've got their own channel, who asked me for a "collab". And another one of my many offspring has a flatmate who is a massive Paul Gannon fan.​So, that's a kick in the face.

DEATH 'STRADING

Was the Spectrum really a piece of shit?Yours sincerely,An Amstrad owner

Yes, but it did far better than the stupid Amstrad, so what does that tell you?

HOT SHOD'

How about this for a shoddy Readers Suggestion: Ask your flocks of minions (not the yellow French tic-tac bastards, I mean your audience) to send in reviews. Not just game reviews but reviews of absolutely anything they want, and if one grabs your attention and evokes a guttural laugh, why not show them on the site now and again?​Maybe if someone did a video review you could post a quick snippet up on one of your Digi Minis (and I mean, like 10 seconds because who wants to sit through a whole review vid, eh?) if it's shit/funny enough? How about 10 second reviews? I can see at least some potential comedy value to those. I mean, I've got a whole load of different flavoured goujons I'd love to review and send in to you. Surely you've got enough time during the day when you're not screenwriting to sift through literally some contributions?Liam Prince

I'm not doing that, William. Firstly, I have no time during the day. My job is profoundly all-consuming, and this year I've worked the equivalent of about four full-time jobs simultaneously.We did used to have readers articles on the site, but - being completely candid - it was more trouble than it was worth. They had to be sub-edited - and, on occasion, almost completely rewritten to make sense of - some of them tried a little bit too hard to fit into what they thought was the Digi style, and it was just really time-consuming. Also, I don't want to offend anybody by saying no.Plus, I've got Patrons who are giving money every month for me to make things - not for me to spend time looking at submissions from other people.​That said... if and when we do another Kickstarter, we'd like to find a way to get the audience more involved this time... I will still feature guest posts on here from time to time - there's one from Super Bad Advice coming up next week - but they'll be hand-picked so as not to cause offence. Or stress.

STINK

Do you have a favourite smell, not grass, but something more odd? Petrol was a favourite when I was a child, and melted plastic. I like the smell of soil now. Not soiling myself to be clear. Soil not soiling. What about you? Are you an earthy smell person?Bye and that.Steph Allman

I used to like the smell of petrol, but I've gone off it now. And anything too chemical-y; I used to love the smell of fresh photocopies, but I'm not sure I have a favourite smell anymore. I do like some incense smells. I used to think incense smelled like wee, but I find it quite calming these days.​Incense, not wee.

MOC THE WEAK

C'mon the Biff,With Digi's profile in its ascendancy, I thought I should report on the results of an ad hoc survey of Nintendo's game demonstrators at the recent Insomnia gaming festival, whereby 50 percent of those who commented on my Moc-moc-a-moc t-shirt knew what Digitiser was.In celebration of which, here's a recent holiday snap of a pizza oven seemingly emblazoned with the words "crusty willy".Starbuck

Digi's profile in the ascendancy?!? Is it though? We're the very definition of a cult thing. Our videos get a consistent level of views - higher than a lot of channels with the same level of subscribers as us - but they're not really growing. But! I'm happy to hear your t-shirt was noticed. Since putting my face on YouTube, I've been spotted out and about a few times now - most recently in the baggage hall in Palma airport, and on the London Underground, while wearing a Digitiser t-shirt. Which is embarrassing. I don't mind it really though. More than happy to say hello to anyone who spots me. It's at a level where it hasn't become annoying.​And thank you for your image. That really is excellent!

MAG' MONKEY

In your recent video where magma sprung forth from Mount Digi, I would like to say that John Pompeii may not be confused with the former champion boxer John Conteh as he does not hand out sticks at anytime.Also Henry Cooper does not make barrels either and Dickie Davies does do what you are thinking either. Though Cooper used to brew up home-made Brut in his bath over the festive period ready to sell in the January sales.Bob Jobbins, News at Ten

The kids are gonna love these references!!!!?!!!!!!!

DEED POLL

I hereby request that Paul Gannon is to be referred to as "Mr Bowels" from now on.Paul Dunning

He's a farty bastard. 

YO-YO KNICKERS

You're like my yo-yo that glowed in the dark. What made it special made it dangerous so I bury it and forget.Jon Clay, Taunton, Somerset

That's really hurtful, Cassius. 

ROLL THE TAPE!

Just a cheeky reminder that those recordings of the Chunky Fringe panels are ready to upload to your second channel. Unless, of course, you're concerned about receiving 5,783 helpful comments saying that it sounds like the participants lost a fight with an air conditioner. In which case, one of the lovely panel hosts is prepared to risk uploading the vids to their own channel instead.Though while I'm here, those Digitiser minis seem to be working for you. I'm not watching them all, because if I get too involved then I will feel partly responsible when you set your house on fire, but until then, the location seems to fit you like a Brown Sofa.Or an irresponsible Broom Cupboard.Oh, and if Mr. T wins the Digitiser World Cup, then please could you influence your followers to make him the next U.S. president? I don't know exactly how these things work, and he probably doesn't either, but with a career encompassing both minority rights and Penitentiary II, he is perfectly placed to heal deep divisions through no-nonsense talk and daily bin collections.David W

Ah! Yes, thanks for the reminder about the panel vids, David. Been a bit busy since the live show, but I'll get them up soon.Also: don't worry about us setting my house on fire. I'm not saying we won't. I'm just saying don't worry about it.

INTERSPECIES

Bowser and Princess Peach... How would that even work? Like... actually how? This has been on my mind for an unhealthy amount of time. Please let's discuss.Shinny

This is something that I have also thought about, and likewise the original Donkey Kong. I've settled on Bowser having a romantic interest in Peach, rather than a carnal one.

BUBBLEGUN... RETURNS?!

Greatly excited to see Bubblegun making a comeback, so much so that I have crawled out my mental health cocoon to ask you about it.  1. I'd be fascinated to know how you compartmentalise your various 'brands'?  Keeping characters and themes separate etc.  Bubblegun always struck me as OTT to Digi's Tiswas.  But thinking about it now, they had very distinct characters and a totally different atmosphere. Then there's Found Footage, obviously, which has a different tone again.  They're all very distinct bodies of work yet with common elements running through them and even continuity.   2. Are we now looking at some manner of Biffo Expanded Universe? If so what would be your preferred collective name for it? 3. How will Bubblegun, styled as a Saturday morning kids' show, relate and compare to Biffovision?  If there are to be crossovers and references then I'll be extra happy.  Is it going to be like BBC's offering vs ITVs?4. I'd love to see an image bringing all the characters together for a big group shot, I think I'd have to buy such a thing and put it on the wall.  Is there a chance of that happening?Thank you.Glyn Heaviside

Woah there, cowboy. I've confirmed nothing, beyond a throwaway tweet. Basically, we're still in the batting-around-ideas phase. Much as it took me a while, after the end of Found Footage, to find my next project, I've had to wait for work to quieten down a bit so I had a clear enough head to hit upon an idea that got me excited.We'd been batting around an idea for a Series 2 of Digitiser The Show since the start of the year - which I mentioned on here a couple of weeks ago - but the truth is it just wasn't getting me fired-up. I was going through the motions with it really. Much as I love video games, it's restrictive in a lot of ways. You're limited by what you can do, a section of the audience will always hate it if you're not sufficiently reverential, there's an expectation of seeing gameplay footage - which bores me to tears... And on top of that, I want to continue working with Paul Gannon and my wife, neither of whom are particularly big gamers. They need to be invested in it too. If I'm going to dedicate 18 months of my life to something, I need to know I'm going to enjoy myself, and not go through the motions. In all honesty, the notion of Series 2 of Digitiser The Show - unless it was radically different - wasn't doing it for me. But watch this space. We're going to do something, I'm just not ready to say what yet.1. It's easy really, because every project starts with a different goal. Found Footage was a cursed sketch show, Digitiser The Show was an attempt to make a 90s-style video games magazine show, Biffovision was a sketch show with the structure of kids TV... That's the baseline I return to, while I simultaneously try to sort of make it all fall apart.That's the commonality of approach in everything I do. It's a similar idea that we work with in the Digitiser Minis - we'll say "Here's a video about volcanoes!"... but we're constantly undermining that by ranting about YouTube comments, or arguing, or going off on tangents. Same with the original Digi: setting up an expectation that I then introduce seemingly incongruous elements to which subvert the stated intention. That's probably, as much as anything, my "style".2. Hah! I dunno. Biffoverse?3. Again, getting ahead of yourself, mister. We simply don't have the answers to this yet. I just like the idea of something that brings together everything I've done that I see as uniquely mine - Biffovision, Found Footage, Digitiser The Show, the Digitiser Minis, Trojan Arse, Digitiser Live - and builds upon all I've learned from doing those things. A Saturday morning kids show type of format feels good, because you can do almost anything; cartoons, a live-action serial, music, features, games, guests...It feels tailor made for my ADD-esque tastes.The challenge is that YouTube isn't hugely receptive to longer-form shows, and it's also a potentially really expensive idea.Plus, with it not being exclusively about games we probably won't raise as much money. But then, Digitiser The Show brought in a lot of people who weren't necessarily down with the Biffo style, and so I always felt an uncomfortable tension in trying to please both audiences. If it taught me one thing it's that I need to just please myself first and foremost. While I accept that this idea might not bring in as much cash as Digitiser The Show, that in its own way is freeing, because I don't feel beholden to those looking for a more straightforward gaming show.So, currently, not doing Digitiser The Show Series 2, and doing something that *might* be a Saturday morning kids show for immature grown-ups... is the front runner, but I'm not rushing anything. I need to know it's right, and I need to recover from a brutally punishing year work-wise, and I need to be sure we can make the idea sufficiently exciting and appealing that we can raise enough money to pay for it.​Would be interested to hear feedback on it!4. Well, maybe. I dunno. Never say never.

MISERABLE

Dear The Digitiser 2000 Letters Page,I sometimes wonder if all this is worth it, and a lot of the time I don't think it is.Yours etc.MrPSB

That's really depressing. Press reveal for something that'll cheer you up.

REVEAL:

500 Qs OF WHYTE

426) Is it fair to call Duke Nukem a dead brand, due to its incongruity with modern social tastes and the length of time since the last good example of the series? If so, is there a 'bigger' dead brand?427) Have you ever learned much (factually) from a game? I learned a surprising amount of good information from the Patrician series for example.428) What do you think of the selection of games on the upcoming Megadrive Mini and will you be buying the console?429) What, if anything, do you think of the Death Stranding gameplay footage shown so far? I am not sure that I'll enjoy it, but credit to Mr Kojima, he does seem to be trying something different.430) Did you ever play Jade Empire? I really liked it and, although it wasn't a massive commercial success, I am really surprised that it's never been revived, especially with the potential appeal to China. It was, of course, highly stylised and not really Chinese in any way other than the aesthetic, but that could easily be authenticised in a revival.John Whyte

426) I can't really see Duke Nukem making a comeback anytime soon. The brand is pretty much cursed after Duke Nukem Forever. There are a lot of Sega brands that they've not capitalised on, but I'm not sure any of them are as dead as Duke.427) Yes! I actually find the Assassin's Creed games quite educational. III and Unity particularly. It's one of the things I like most about them.428) I've already pre-ordered it, though mainly out of obligation. I think it's a solid line-up. Sonic 3 feels like a glaring omission though.429) Yeah, I'm with you. It looks nice, but I dunno if it'll be too wilfully weird for my tastes.430) I did not play it! It's a Bioware game, right? Then I'm in no massive hurry.

KOM OVER HERE

Mortal Kombat is rubbish though isn't it? I think we can finally admit that now. It's been a while.Lee McCormick

I always thought Mortal Kombat was rubbish.

SWEEPSTAKE

I doubt you’ve been asked yet, but who is your pick for the Digi World Cup?I’d love for the Man's Daddy to win, but I worry that Mr.T may win over the masses.I’m tempted to create a separate twitter account for Mr.J (the wife) to cast a vote but I know how much he hates social media so I may not.Mr.S

I was backing Man's Daddy all the way, but like you I have a feeling Mr T is going to win it. If anybody is wondering what this is all about, Super Page 58 has been running this on Twitter. The final is this weekend, if you'd like to vote!

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This Month in....1984 (ZX Spectrum)


1 Sabre Wolf

2 Jet Set Willy

3 Codename Mat

4 Atic Atac

5 Manic Miner

6 Lords of Midnight

7 Wheelie

8 Lunar Jetman

9 Psytron

10 Trashman


ZX Spectrum Charts taken from Crash

Others will be added when available

This Month in....1989 (Commodore 64)


1 Enduro Racer

2 RoboCop

3 Postman Pat

4 League Challenge

5 1942

6 Army Moves

7 Emlyn Hughes' Soccer

8 Daley Thompson's Decathlon

9 SAS Combat

10 Gauntlet II


All Charts taken from C&VG

This Month in....1994 (SNES)


1 FIFA International Soccer

2 Super Metroid

3 Megaman X

4 World Cup USA '94

5 World Cup Striker


Sega Charts taken from C&VG

Nintendo Charts taken from C&VG

Amiga Charts taken from Amiga Format or C&VG

This Month in....1996 (Saturn)


1 Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3

2 Gungriffon

3 Need For Speed

4 Virtua Cop(+gun)

5 Guardian Heroes

6 Shining Wisdom

7 Baku Baku Animal

8 Wrestlemania

9 Street Fighter Alpha

10 X-Men: Children of the Atom


Sega Saturn Charts from Sega Saturn Magazine, with thanks to @SegaMags

This Month in....1999 (PC)


1 Aliens vs Predator

2 Dungeon Keeper II

3 Total Annihilation: Kingdoms

4 Hidden and Dangerous

5 Outcast

6 Mechwarrior 3

7 Championship Manager 3

8 Star Trek: Birth of the Federation

9 Might and Magic VII

10 Star Wars: Episode 1 - Racer


N64 & PlayStation Charts taken from C&VG

PC Charts taken from PC Zone

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Sat Sep 14 23:52:00 +0000 2019

@_CatherineAllen @MichaelDow16 I’m interested!

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Wed Sep 11 20:20:32 +0000 2019

@giagia ❤️

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Thu Sep 05 10:39:23 +0000 2019

@miss_wisdom @betterthemask @AdvXConf @britishlibrary thanks for the reply - I will keep an eye on the website in case any of the talks get video streamed.

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Wed Sep 04 17:20:36 +0000 2019

I have attended @AdvXConf for the past 5 years - but sad to see tickets sold so quickly I didn't get one in time. Please issue more @britishlibrary - I need to go see the amazing @betterthemask speak. Clearly everyone else does too ...

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Thu Aug 29 10:28:06 +0000 2019

@thatginamiller @TomRHickman @Mishcon_de_Reya Thank you Gina

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Wed Jun 19 20:56:45 +0000 2019

RT @OFalafel: The real hero of Street Fighter II was whoever sorted out all their flights and travel visas.

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Thu Jun 06 08:47:26 +0000 2019

And after the show fireworks on Brno Lake. So in short, come to Brno - it’s brilliant here. Who knew!? (Probably lots of people but were keeping it secret) https://t.co/mxGB4miYAj

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Thu Jun 06 08:43:39 +0000 2019

It’s an immersive story, how we named the stars, ‘Arabian Nights:1001 Stars’ produced by the amazing @newangleuk

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Thu Jun 06 08:40:42 +0000 2019

Hoofing it up the hill to see ‘my’ show at Brno Fulldome Festival. Feeling on top of the world! https://t.co/bVnXC3CYu2

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Sat Jun 01 15:45:54 +0000 2019

RT @arstechnica: One of my tweets set off a cross-country electric car record attempt https://t.co/w2r0sYyY3I by @drgitlin

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Fri May 31 09:49:45 +0000 2019

At the #Manga exhibition ⁦@britishmuseum⁩ - discovering that history goes much further back than those early 90s anime on scratchy VHS I so fondly recall https://t.co/bKB1EQ5HTO

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Fri May 17 04:36:45 +0000 2019

RT @geoffwhite247: Find out what happens when you don't play ball with facial recognition tech being trialed by UK police.... https://t.co…

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Wed Apr 24 07:12:18 +0000 2019

@alomshaha The flash card computer/phone apps are good as they can be a shared activity between students. Or - last resort- YOU make them and they learn them.

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Wed Apr 24 07:10:29 +0000 2019

@alomshaha @myorangecrush I know a can’t-study teen who watched YouTube videos on 2x speed to stop attention wandering. Worked. Another can’t-study teen found flash cards help - last minute, panicked, minimal, but prob made a grade difference.

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Sat Apr 13 19:36:25 +0000 2019

RT @ZonePhysics: For those who have never seen a complete Rainbow 🌈 https://t.co/RTp307844y

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