This Month in...charts ----- 474

Violet Berlin ----- 475


To be implemented



To advance (quickly) through the pages, press right square bracket key (located near the enter key), otherwise the pages will move forward every minute

To pause a page press "h" and then again to unpause

To move to another page (like 470) just type it in


From 12am till 6am the site will play easy listening music to simulate the closedown of TV from the early eighties. This was initially started by Ceefax (the BBC teletext service) but did get picked up by Teletext.


Fasttext now added. This helped to jump to pages quickly without the need to key in the numbers. Bamboozle used this to great effect - to see this key in 452.


To be implemented.


I originally wanted to write a Windows 95 simulator as a follow-on homage to LGR's DOS portion of website - http://www.lazygamereviews.com/prompt/. I figured it should work quite well with the advancement in javascript over the years and it meant that I could utilise more JS programming skills as I don't do much of that currently.

I didn't want to use jQuery as I would only be using a small portion of that code and I wanted to try and keep the site as tightly written as possible, without excessive code. I have seen another website that does use jQuery and interestingly that is based more on Ceefax rather than mine which is Teletext based. You can find the site here: http://worldofpaul.com/teletext/.


Around 2017, Mr Biffo (Paul Rose) of Digitiser fame, surfaced back into the "limelight" and was attending retro gaming events talking about the old Digitiser days. I thought it'd be pretty cool to make an online teletext simulator using nothing but HTML, CSS and Javascript. This would be a cut down challenge from the Windows based one and so here we are.

You stand before Knightmare Castle. With you is Treguard, Master of the Quest.

"Welcome, Adventurer! Your quest will take you to the Great Northern Ice Field, a frozen realm inhabited by ferocious Polar Bears! You travel to rescue a captive maiden. I will aid you when I can: you will hear my voice at time of need. Hold to the adventurer's code:

Answer truthfully, choose wisely, use force only in direst need. And remember

Cheats never prosper!

Treguard indicates the northern trail. Pulling your cloak tightly about you, you stride into the freezing wind. Ahead you see a tall figure: it is Hordriss the Confuser, magician extraordinary.

"Imprecations! Is this the best Treguard could find? One doubts if you are wise enough for such a Quest: one will test you. Tell me, puny adventurer those who dwell in this land are known to outsiders as Eskimos. How are they more properly called?"

Hordriss shakes his head sadly.

"One's worst fears are confirmed. One must go and find another to undertake this task. Farewell, ignorant adventurer."

He turns and leaves you standing alone in the freezing wind as the snows fall more heavily around you.

You wander through the snow as it falls ever harder and harder. All paths vanish in the white torrent that swirls about you. You tire rapidly as the warmth drains from your body. After long, confused wandering you feel yourself losing consciousness and falling into the deep, soft snow.....

You have been found wanting. This time, your Quest may not succeed. But take courage. You have journeyed far and attempted that of which many only dream

Next time you set foot beyond the walls of Castle Knightmare, who knows whence your path may lead?

"Ah," says Hordriss, " an enlightened Adventurer. Remarkable! Listen then: one's foolish daughter Sidriss has been captured by Aesandre the Ice Sorceress. Her palace lies far to the North. She awaits my rescue mission and has set magic traps for me. She will not expect YOU. There is a slight chance you might get through...

"One gifts you with a spell: HEAT. You may use it only once. Good fortune!"

You set out across the ice sheet along the path Hordriss indicates. Soon he is lost behind and you can see nothing but ice and snow in every direction. The chill enters your bones and you shiver in every limb.

Then ahead you spot a small white dome: An igloo!

Do you:

The valley path is filled with snowdrifts and as you push forward you find the snow reaches your knees. The fur coat is weighed down by heavy ice. You step boldly forward onto a slab of ice. It gives way beneath you and frozen snow closes over your head...

"Oh dear," says Treguard. "Frosted Adventurer! And not a microwave in sight!"

Inside the igloo it is slightly warmer. You find a collection of objects left behind by the owner.

A sack. Opening it you find it to be full of greasy, smelly lumps of something unpleasant.

A pair of snowshoes.

A white fur coat.

Which do you take?

Wrapping the coat around you and feeling warm and snug, you step out into the snow again. Heading ever northwards, you come to a divide in the path. You may travel down the valley or along a high rocky ledge.

Which route do you take now?

You climb up above the snowy valley, across bare rock jutting through the ice. At the top of the rise you pause to look down...

And turn at a snarling sound behind you

A large polar bear is growling and forcing you back towards the edge of the ledge.

"Very tactless to go around wearing one of his relatives," whispers Treguard as you fall from the rock-face. Oh dear

Strapping the huge snowshoes onto your feet, step out into the snow again. Heading ever northwards you come to a divide in the path. You may travel down a valley or along a high rocky ledge.

Which route do you take now?

Slinging the weight of the of the sack over one shoulder, you step out into the snow again. Moving north again you come to a divide in the path. You may travel down a valley or along a high rocky ledge.

Which route do you take now?

You climb up above the snowy valley, across the rocks jutting out of the ice. At the top of the rise you pause to look down...

A hideous snarling sounds behind you.

A large polar bear is growling and forcing you back towards the edge of the ledge.

"Decide quickly," says Tregaurd. "He looks hungry."

The valley path is filled with snowdrifts and as you push forward you find the snow spilling over your snowshoes. Once or twice you feel the ice below shifting as you step onto solid-looking surfaces but moving carefully with your snowshoes you manage to make your way to the easier path beyond the valley.

You climb up above the snowy valley, across bare rock jutting through the ice. At the top of the rise you pause..

A hideous snarling sounds behind you.

A large polar bear is growling, forcing you back towards the edge of the ledge. It leaps towards you...

...and rips the sack from your back. As you hurry away Treguard whispers: "You may not like the smell - but some regard two-week old whale blubber as quite a delicacy!"

The valley path is filled with ever deeper snowdrifts and as you push forward you find the snow reaches to your knees. The heavy sack makes you sink deeper in.

As you step boldly forward onto a frozen slab it gives way beneath you and the freezing snows close over your head.....

"Oh dear," says Treguard. "Now you know how a frozen beefburger feels!"

You trip over the heavy snowshoes you are wearing as the bear pounces on you. You have a last impression of its mighty jaws, gaping wide....

"Oh dear," mutters Treguard. "Still never mind: think of it as doing your bit to preserve an endangered species."

You are temporarily refreshed, but the icy wind blows you harder from the north. Your fingers and toes go numb and your vision blurs. The icy cold extends its reach into your very lungs. It seems that you can go no further.

What do you do?

Summoning your last reserves, you push forward and suddenly the blizzard falters. Ahead of you is, miraculously revealed, the ice palace of the sorceress! Its crystal walls, carved from ice tower hundreds of feet into the air. Within, lie the captive - and the enemy!

A desperate final effort propels you to the entrance.

The spell conjures a glowing ball of red light. You step through it and an invigorating rush of warmth floods your limbs and seems to cause the blizzard to falter for a moment. Ahead of you is suddenly revealed the ice palace of the sorceress! Its walls, carved from ice, tower hundreds of feet into the air. Within, lie the captive - and the enemy

You make for the entrance.

Inside the palace, a great hall of ice stretches out before you. At the far end Aesandre stands on a high platform beneath a glittering ice-chandelier. Beside her, frozen in a block of ice is Sidriss.

"So," cries Aesandre, "That old fool Hordriss thinks he can outwit me by sending a young fool in his place. Absurd!"

She raises her hands above her head: she is casting a spell! Do you:

Tregaurd whispers in your ear: "You used your only spell outside. Do you think you can cheat the Quest?"

A bolt of magic force strikes you as you stand there dithering and blackness falls around you.

"And thus fail all who try to cheat their fate." Tregaurd adds. "Be off with you!"

Inside the palace, a great hall of ice stretches out before you. At the far end Aesandre stands on a high platform beneath a glittering ice-chandelier. Beside her, frozen in a block of ice is Sidriss.

"So," cries Aesandre, "that old fool thinks he can outwit me by sending a young fool in his place. Absurd!"

And she raises her hands above her head to cast a spell at you. What do you do?

But before you can manage a single step a bolt of mystic energy flies from Aesandre's fingertips and strikes you full upon the chest. You feel a strange tingling spread through your body...

In this arctic wasteland you cannot survive long without food. Sheltering in a frozen ice-cave you come across a ragged hermit.

"I have food - but share it only with the wise," he says. "You may eat of my bread but only if you can answer me this: The North people believe in a hammer-god.

Which day is his?"

Invoking the spell conjures a ball of red light to form in your right hand. It pulses with warmth as you look up and try to identify a target upon which to use it.

Do you aim for the:

The red sphere flies straight and true towards the evil figure of your enemy.. She deftly bats it aside, causing it to crash out through the ice wall. With a malicious grin she unleashes her own spell which strikes you full in the chest. You feel a strange tingling spread through your body...

You look down at yourself. You seem to be wearing an ill-fitting dinner jacket and baggy trousers. Then you notice that your nose seems to have got longer your arms shorter and the floor closer.

Yes, you have been turned into a PENGUIN!

"Oh dear," says Treguard. "I hope you like fish dinners...."

Your heat spell flies off above the sorceress' head but misses the chandelier. It strikes the ceiling and for a moment there is silence. Then the great sheets of ice above your head shiver and crack. You hurry for the door but before you can reach safety...


"Well," says Treguard, "that certainly brought the house down!"

The Sorceress blinks with surprise as the ball of HEAT flashes past her. She turns with alarm as the block the ice containing Sidriss shatters, exploding under pressure from within. The heat ball turns upon Aesandre and she abandons her attack on you to raise a hasty defence.

For a few moments you watch anxiously as the fight rages at the far end of the hall. But then the floor there melts, and with a hideous curse Aesandre sinks from view.

Sidriss conjures the ice to reform and runs towards you.

"At last one of my spells has worked! Now we must hurry from here. I doubt my magic will hold her long. Spellcasting: H.O.M.E........."

In the merest instant you are returned to Castle Knightmare. Hordriss is reunited with his daughter.

"Foolish one to risk the perils of the Ice Palace," he chides her.

"Well Done, brave traveller," says Treguard. "You have proven worthy and have achieved your Quest. You may now count yourself among the Knights of Knightmare Castle."

Written by Mike Cule. "Knightmare" is a Broadsword Production for Anglia TV

Digitext would like to thank castleteletext.com for permission in allowing this on here


Story written by Mike Cule

Original Teletext artwork by Mr Biffo

Thanks to Al for archiving the original Teletext pages. ROBOTFUZZ

Thanks to Mark from ‘Fighting Fantasy (and other gamebooks)’ for mapping it out FFAOGB


Bamber Boozler poses another 12 questions. Answer using fasttext at the bottom. One wrong and you must try again.

Can you answer all 12 in one attempt?

Press RED to begin


Seann William Scott is 43 this year. In what film did he star with David Duchovny?


Red:The One


Yellow:The X Files

Cyan:Bulletproof Monk



Internet. What does URL stand for?


Red:Unique Records List

Green:Uniform Resource Locator

Yellow:Undefined Restricted Learner

Cyan:Universal Robot Location



Games. Prince of Persia celebrates its 30th anniversary this year. What was the original sequel called?


Red:The Shadow and the Flame

Green:Prince of Persia 3D

Yellow:The Sands of Time

Cyan:Prince of Persia: The Two Thrones



TV. On this month in 1969, which BBC comedy series was first aired?


Red:Monty Python's Flying Circus

Green:Are You Being Served?

Yellow:Dad's Army

Cyan:The Good Life



Geography. Mount Vesuvius overlooks which modern Italian city?








Bad luck!



Do you wish to play again? If so, press red below



Cartoons. What does M.A.S.K. stand for?


Red:Mutant Armor Squad Killers

Green:Mini Army Special Kombat

Yellow:Mobile Armored Strike Kommand

Cyan:It doesn't stand for anything



Films. Stargate is 25 years old this month. Which planet did Jack O'Neil's team arrive on?








What word completes this: ________s & Desktops. ________s & Dragons. ________ Keeper.








Comics. Which Robin was killed off by telephone poll?


Red:Jason Todd

Green:Tim Drake

Yellow:Damian Wayne

Cyan:Dick Grayson



Which is the odd one out of these Crispin Glover films:


Red:Charlie's Angels (2000)

Green:Hot Tub Time Machine


Cyan:Back To The Future 2



Software. What does DOS stand for?


Red:Disk Operating System

Green:Dark Operating System

Yellow:Dark Option Screen

Cyan:Deep Opportunity System



Politics. Who succeeded Neil Kinnock as Leader of the Labour Party?


Red:Michael Foot

Green:Margaret Beckett

Yellow:John Smith

Cyan:James Callaghan



Well done! How many did you get right first time? Check your rating below


This week we have a new Eagle Quest game to play. A new adventure will appear here on Wednesday afternoon 29 December. Bamboozle will return in January. Press red to enter the mysterious world of Castle Knightmare...

This is an adventure game using the fast text colour buttons on certain televisions. Once you begin your adventure, you will undertake a fantastic journey. Mistakes may force you to retrace your steps - only perseverance, wit and courage will take you to the end of the Knightmare trail.


This very special visit to the Digi Lab sees Biffo, Gannon and Ashens attempting to make elephant's toothpaste, and introduces an experimental new character to the show - Beanus! Subscribe for regular videos, and support Digitiser on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/digitiser2000 ​Buy official Digitiser merch from our store: https://www.redbubble.com/people/digi...


I bought my Mega Drive through the Special Reserve mail-order catalogue, for £189 in 1990. It came strapped to Altered Beast, and with it I also ordered Super Thunder Blade. To be honest, neither game was much cop, and nor were the next couple I bought; EA'S risible Budokan and Sword of Sodan (more like "Sods of Sod-off").Based upon these travesties, there was strong evidence that Sega's Mega Drive, the successor to my beloved Master System, was a proverbial "dirty son". Had I not already spent a great deal of money that I didn't have on it, it's highly likely I'd have propelled the thing into the nearest dog toilet.It wasn't until I picked up Revenge of Shinobi and Castle of Illusion that I started to think purchasing the Mega Drive might've been worth it. Broadly, they both marked a turning point, and from then onwards *most* of what I bought for the console justified the initial outlay.Truth is, the Mega Drive always had a much higher tat-to-good ratio than its eventual rival, the Super NES. Sega, by its own admission, was far more relaxed about quality, preferring a noisy, edgy, catalogue where quantity filled the trousers.During the years of the great 16-bit console wars, this approach obscured many - myself included - to the fact that there were many genuinely great Mega Drive games, It's only now, with the benefit of several decades of hindsight, that Sega's 16-bit homunculoid has become sort of universally beloved, bitter divisions, and frustration with Sega's policies, seeming so unimportant in an era where not a day can unfurl without some new gaming drama.Given this renaissance, it's inevitable that Sega has finally gotten around to pumping out a proper Mega Drive Mini, in the vein of Nintendo's NES and Super NES nostalg-o-replicas. And get this: it costs just £69 - the rudest price, which also happened to be the exact same RRP Virtua Racing sold for when it was released for the Mega Drive in 1994. 


Obvious aesthetic appeal aside, the Mega Drive Mini is clearly all about "dem games", and there are 40 or so here.More ubiquitous candidates - Sonic 1 and 2 (plus Spinball), Ecco, Streets of Rage 2, Comix Zone, Earthworm Jim, Strider - are joined by slightly-less-heralded classics which pushed the hardware - Gunstar Heroes, Dynamite Heady, Thunderforce 3, Vectorman - the odd curio, such as the previously unreleased Mega Drive version of Tetris (hardly Star Fox 2, but it'll do), and the surprising  inclusion of two Disney games: the aforementioned Castle of Illusion, and its follow-up World of Illusion.There's some filler of course. Space Harrier 2 is a juddering mockery, Eternal Champions is no Super Street Fighter 2: Special Champion Edition (which is also on here), and the Mega Drive version of Virtua Fighter is the very reason "Why?" was invented. In an extremely nice touch, if you change the language in the settings, it also changes the games to their localised versions, complete with the appropriate cover artwork. It's mostly a subtle-ish thing, but in a few cases the differences are dramatic (most obviously, Probotector becoming Contra: Hard Corps). It's a shame they didn't also include Decapattack, so that we could, at last, compare it to its wildly different Japanese incarnation, Magical Hat no Buttobi Tābo! Daibōken.Or whatever.There are the usual options in terms of playing; a wholly pointless (and not entirely convincing) simulated CRT overlay, a few different borders, or - for actual monsters - the option to stretch the picture to fill the screen. It's all pretty standard. 


It's hard to fault the Mega Drive Mini. The selection of games - beautifully ported here - offers something for everyone, and the language option is a sublime touch.You could grumble that it only comes with two three-button pads, and not the six-button ones. You could moan about there not being the full Mega Drive Sonic catalogue. And you might, like me, be taken aback by just how difficult many of these games actually are. No, there's no way to (officially) add to the selection of software (something all these Minis would really benefit from), but, ultimately, it's reasonably priced for what you're getting - more games than on any of the other mini replicas to date, housed in a near-perfect, half-size, recreation of the original console.It's notable that it's the first official Sega Hardware since the Dreamcast, and as such made me unexpectedly wistful for an era where everything seemed so much less portentous, more fun and playful.Though what has really surprised me is that the Mega Drive Mini, unlike those released by Nintendo, hasn't stoked the usual tedious debates about who these replica consoles are for. There has been little of the tired "Murrrh... why would I buy this when I can get a Raspeberry Pi which has a billion games on it?" whining.And that's good: because some of us just like the collector's nature of these tiny machines, and don't want to be overwhelmed with choice. It suggests that Sega's autumnal renaissance is only just getting started. SCORE: 16-bits out of 20-bits 


Weird old week, eh. Started it like this: "I don't want to write about video games anymore!"Then this happened: my brain started wanting to do stuff about video games.Without getting too, uh, psychological about it all... telling myself I no longer had to do a thing - probably, frankly, because I was reacting to the mild backlash against the Digi Minis moving away from games - revealed that beneath it I actually sort of, sometimes, want to do gaming content after all. Giving myself permission to want to, rather than have to, made all the difference.We'll see where it goes from here.This is one of the most exciting things about this site, yes? You get to come along on this thrilling psychological journey with me - in real time! Yes, it's all a bit mad, but at least I don't have an urge to put pens up a fox's bottom. I'M NOT HURTING ANYONE!!!Anyhow, just a small reminder that there's a new Digi Mini going up on Sunday. Visually, it's one of the most spectacular ones we've done - and contains real, actual, science. I'm not sure yet... but it might be the last Mini of the current run, before I go away on my belated honeymoon, and we kind of relaunch them. Ish. I mean, we're not reinventing the wheel.Also, you can now catch up on all the ones you've missed, because apparently loads of you didn't have an extra 15 minutes to spare every week. Do you see?!

If you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, or you've got a picture of a bin you wish to share, please send your filthy emails to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com​​​​​​​​​​


My wife bought a pack of rubbers...Although I’m supposed to refer to them as erasers lest people giggle like small children. Ostensibly they are supposed to represent Battersea Power Station, Queen Elizabeth Tower, The London Eye, and St Pauls Cathedral; such as if one were travelling west to east along the Thames. However, my rubber river tour goes like this.Descending above the water somewhere near Pimlico and taking the long way round (*looks up* "an air traffic reference" *returns to newspaper), making Spitfire noises, I track towards sunrise. Only two chimneys on Battersea Power Station... What is this? The pre-WWII Battersea prior to the 1940/50s expansion? A singular tower that looks like a generic grandfather clock and is unmarried to the larger structure that hosts the "Mother of Parliaments!" UGH! That ferris wheel has a bulky weight bearing anchor, entirely unlike the gossamer thin, graceful support structure weaved in reality. But here’s the big one, and it had me chuckling to myself and saying “Oh China...alongside your dreadful human rights record, you get so so so much wrong!” The supposed St Pauls... It much more closely resembles the Pantheon (*looks up* "in Rome" *returns to newspaper*) albeit with a spurious cupola! I cannot get over how much it makes me smirk and tut, and I intend to share my observation with all my friends.RegardsAntique rare Volkstedt porcelain figure of a Tailor. Some superficial damage. C17th---------------And don't print this bit...unless you want to...for some meta-joke.​Whenever you talk about your writing and finding and being yourself...I 100% get it. Stuff like the above exists in my head all the time and I have to hide it from my responsible middle class job, and almost the entirity of my friends/family lest they think I am mad. I often think that the underlying causes of so much stress today is simply that people are shoe horned into jobs they cannot enjoy in order to pay the bills. Once you have a mortgage and responsibility, you're cut loose from being able to be you. I supposedly work in a creative profession, the design of training... But as usual it has become tied in procedural knots that rob it of any real flare, and as management, I'm supposed to enforce this risk averse way of thinking. Only Citalopram keeps me turning up and slogging away. Keep doing what you're doing, for you, and we'll be along for the ride because there are so many people out there who would be classed as nutters. But we're just different. The channel will grow, there is a need for absurdism again since so much has become political and safe these days. More will find you.Take care.Dave G
PS. I mean look at it... A disgrace!

Meta joke for the win! I, for one, like those "rubbers", but I fail to understand how they could be in any way usuable for erasing anything, especially the London Eye one. It's like making a novelty car that's impossible to drive, because it's in the shape of an umbrella.Would it still be a car?Anyway... as for the not-for-publication part... don't hide yourself away, Dave. You write good, and you've identified a big part of why there's so much anxiety in the world.I often reference a book that changed my life - Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind by Noah Harari. It made me realise how society, work, all of it... is just made-up stuff. It's not who we are, or who we evolved to be. The people we see as "normal" - the ones who've contorted to fit into the box, and surpressed who they are - are the ones I see with a problem. Don't live a lie! Life's far less stressful if you just give in to who you are. Unless you're a murderer or something. Obviously, don't hurt anyone.You think our monkey ancestors bothered putting on suits and ties before going to a job interview? No! They just dicked around in caves doing whatever they liked, being funny.


46) For the benefit of 'Sedric-and-Charlie' (last week's Letters Page), I will consider their request. I suppose that I have to go out with some kind of bang for question 500.​Anyway, with the news that Bully 2 was in active development up to the point of being playable in a basic form, how much potential do you think this could have had? I liked the original but thought the biggest problem was not setting it in a fictional Eton, rather than an American school - a huge missed opportunity. The game itself was good enough and a next-generation version would have had my attention if the setting was changed.447) Speaking of Rockstar, has their gigantic commercial success negatively impacted upon them as a creative force? It's difficult to argue that GTA 4, 5 and Red Dead Redemption 2 are not, at the very least, very good games, but what else do they do?It is, I suppose arguable that GTA & RDR online are separate games to the single-player elements that spawned them, but where are the Bullies, Manhunts and Table Tennis successors?Now, especially in the case of Manhunt, it might not be so bad that they don't make them any more but it just seems slightly sad to me that perhaps the only studio in the world that can genuinely do whatever they want, on their own terms, has become a franchise house.​It's better to make great but familiar games (Nintendo for example) than to make bad but original games, but some new IP would be nice - after all, they didn't invent Red Dead, strictly-speaking.448) Which games or computer hardware manufacturer has/had the best logo? Maybe not for artistic reasons, I will vote for Commodore - the 'C Equals' logo still looks good now.449) Does Death Stranding's marketing of appearances by Guillermo Del Toro, Nicolas Refn and Lindsay Wagner, while their voices are supplied by other actors, do the voice cast a disservice? I understand that characters rarely look like their voice actors, but when the characters are actually meant to look like the real people, I think this is new territory.450 - Getting There) On a related note, the original design for Ellie in the Last of Us looked remarkably similar to Ellen Page before being re-designed to look more like Ashley Johnson. So much so, in fact that I went a long time thinking that the character was played by Ellen Page and that perhaps Naughty Dog's initial plan had been to have her voice the character.​Which games character's portrayal would have been improved by a famous actor/actress and by whom?John Whyte

446) I liked the original Bully, but I didn't love it. People at the time said it was the modern remake of Skool Daze that many of us wanted, but it fell short for me. Firstly, I didn't identify with the posh school setting. Also, the joy of Skool Daze was its entirely sandbox nature - it was funny because the player made it funny. Bully forced too much of the developers' own sense of humour on us, and that sort of spoiled it for me.Not fair, of course, to compare it to a game it wasn't really trying to be, but I hope the sequel - for entirely selfish reasons - is set in a recognisable British school at least. Though even modern schools I don't really identify with anymore. They have interactive wipeboards now. Interactive!​447) I dunno. I mean, RDR2 was, in my eyes, an absolute triumph. GTAV similarly so, even if some of it left a bad taste in my mouth. I think they release games so infrequently - because of the sheer size of them - that the lack of variety doesn't seem to matter to me.448) Easy: Ocean software. I loved that 1980s chrome look, but it was also a great, simple, logo when reduced to flat colour.449) I'll be honest... I hadn't been aware that this was a thing. Seems a bit weird, but I guess if the actors were fine with it... it's not an issue. 450) Yeah... see, The Last of Us was different, because Ellen Page didn't know they were doing it. That's not right. I dunno if any games character's portrayal is improved by having a famous person in the role. I think it just needs to be the right person. I mean, I can think of many films and TV shows where a famous actor was cast when a good actor would've been a better choice.


Hello there!With the note of finality in the air from the latest update on the website, I just wanted to put this down to paper, as it were, since I've wanted to send it for quite a while now, and now seems as good a time as ever.When I was quite young, I was diagnosed with an autistic spectrum disorder, and honestly, it was a lonely life, I didn't really understand why people were like they are, why other people couldn't understand me or the way I thought, and to a degree, that's still an issue now, but at least I'm somewhat more equipped thanks to the years that have gone since then.Another thing I didn't really get was humour, why was something considered funny, or the opposite? That's not to say I didn't find things funny, though, but what I found funny was almost never conventional, or at least, not age appropriate. I got on well with adults, but not my actual peers.It's a bit of a stereotype to say, but my "special interest" was computer games, and I sought after anything and everything that I could watch or read about them, books, magazines, TV shows. And then one day, teletext.​I found out about Digitiser, and honestly, it was the first time I saw humour that I found funny, and the first time I'd ever thought that I was experiencing something that was made with me in mind, and it was honestly mind blowing that there was a form of media out there about what I loved, that I could consume and felt like I could enjoy and understand, and my world didn't feel quite so lonely any more.When you brought Digitiser: The Show to fruition, I was introduced to a lot of incredible people via the show, and it's felt exactly as amazing to me now as it did then to have filled my social media with so many fantastic individuals.Lots of things have shaped my life since then, of course, but Digitiser is definitely a starting point for anyone trying to pinpoint my inner workings.Essentially, this email boils down to me wanting to thank you for helping me become me.Whatever the future brings, I welcome it with open arms!All the best.Dom-Jo

Ah, man. Thank you. I remain bewildered, and awed, that Digitiser seemed to have such an impact on so many people. Obviously, it mattered to me too - because here I am almost 27 years later still writing the thing - but even so... it was still my job. I could never have imagined it connected with people so profoundly, and still struggle to wrap my head around it. It's truly, genuinely, humbling.Apologies for the air of finality in the recent posts. I think I just needed to get that out of my system. Digitiser isn't going anywhere... I don't know where I take it from here. I'll just take it one day at a time, write what I feel like writing that morning, and right now it appears I still enjoy writing about video games.I hope you can give the Digitiser Minis a chance. No, they're not about video games, but they're very sincere in their stupidity, in the same way the original Digitiser was.


So, it looks like the crowd calling themselves "Atari" are further dragging the once-great brand into the mud.  Can you see any way for "Notari" to turn things around and reinstate the brand?  @DarkBlueMonkey

I read this week that the new Atari console is in pre-production. I helped with the funding, because I thought it'd be interesting to follow along with a project, and a machine, that's so obviously doomed to fail. Since then, though, I couldn't have cared less.​Such a shame. Atari has such a great, iconic, logo too.


Can we step outside the character, whimsy, sarcasm etc. for a moment and discuss something?  The Amiga, by Commodore.Genuinely, I’ve met some really terrible and privileged people in the Amiga scene over the years.  However, I love the machine, particularly the A1200, and to this day it’s quite possibly my favourite OS I’ve ever used.My question to you, Paul Rose, is how you genuinely feel about it?This isn’t a dig at you (I think the anti-Amiga sentiment in Digi is really funny) but I'm just curious of your thoughts.Thank you.Lee McCormick

Genuinely? I don't have any feelings about the Amiga one way or another. It was never one of *my* machines, in the way the Spectrum, SNES, Xbox 360, and Switch - the four games machines I've had the best times on - are. That's it really. The anti-Amiga stuff was just a joke, and a reaction to the complaints we had about not covering it initially.​The machine itself? Well, I can see that it had some great games... I just never owned one. Well, I did in the end - Teletext bought us one - but it was right at the end of its life, so I never played very many games on it. 


How do!I am currently playing Final Fantasy VIII Remaster.Kind Regards,Jim Leighton (Future World Darts Champion) x

And that's a fact! Press reveal:



Am just beem out here, good morning eat a naan m.T Dawson

We don't have "Letter of the Week", but I might just start it up. LETTER OF THE WEEK!


Hello!Have you ever used those magical boots that make the skin on your feet peel off after a week or so, leaving your feet soft and smooth? If not, you should definitely try them. Peeling HUGE pieces of skin off of your feet and finding the softness beneath is deeply satisfying.Love,Chai x

I know nothing of these magic boots, but I want to try them. I remember getting really bad sunburn on a work trip to Los Angeles back in Digi's early days - Mr Hairs, Violet Berlin and I went to a water park, and I arrogantly declared that "I've never had sunburn in my life". For weeks afterwards I would stand in the shower and peel sheets of skin off my torso. I loved it.LOVED IT.


Hi! I’m knee deep in sheep shit, trawling Twitter, and finding an overweight Mario. https://www.reddit.com/r/CheapShow/comments/ax792f/our_lord_and_saviour_eli_silverman/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmfYou gave an email, this is your fault, please include more dead things on Digi, I miss that lil stinky thing. (Not Eli, Keith) - 2019 - GGCHVJordan Durham

We have many dead things on Digi's desk. Are they not enough for you? We'll also have Eli back soon on the channel, which is probably going to be more trouble than it's worth. As Gannon has found on Cheapshow, once you involve Eli in anything... it becomes all about Eli. There's a lot of Eli/Fat Sow/Digi talk in the 150th ep of Cheapshow coming up soon btw...


Dear Mr Biffo The Wisp,What's the most disappointing food you've ever tried?I always remember the childhood experience of trying Battenburg cake, how something that looked so lovely could taste of pensioners still haunts me. On a related note I recently bought a jar of Piccalilli on the assumption that I probably liked it, only to be quickly reminded that I don't as it's just acidic vomit flecked with cauliflower pieces. Love and kissy kissy, Treacle Truffle

Picallili is great. I recently had some picallili crisps and they were also great. Get this: apparently the name comes from "Paco-lilla", which means "Indian pickle".Anyway. Most disappointing food? Chocolate-covered "gourmet" bacon in America. Cost something like $24 a slice. Disgusting and a rip-off. Press reveal to see something else that's a rip-off:



Dear Hugo,Alright, I've been gone since forever, I know that, but I've returned to say about the new consoles, Sony announced the PS5, it looks promising, even more promising than the Xbox I forgot the name of. ​Nintendo has yet to announce their new console (Switch doesn't count as it was a stand in for the Wii U), but I'm wondering what side do you think will win the next console war, I'm thinking Sony, but Microsoft will definitely be out for blood after the Xbox One's bad start,From the BV Reviewer PS. Might just sneak this in here, it's a unrelated meme I found on Instagram.PPS happy early Halloweenie! 

I dunno. I mean, probably Sony, but I think we could see some upsets. Nintendo's Switch will continue going strong for a good long while yet. The Xbox brand seems to have lost momentum, and if Microsoft has a hope of countering the PS5 it needs to find some sort of killer USP for Scarlett, or whatever it's called. ​This answer bored me.


Now, I'm not hopping on The Blizzard-oh Bus. Think Diablo III was the last I owned, and loathe Overwatch, WoW et al, so a boycott is already in place. But it does raise the thorny issue of where companies source their funding and revenue streams, which loops us over to Atari.I am an Atari fanboy, and although I was aware of the retro console it was developing, the VCS, can't say I was likely to want one.What is fascinating is how, from a long history of mucking up pretty much all it ever developed, it's committing Jag-wah scale boobs again. But this time it's crowdfunded. Which makes me uneasy, like the feeling when I first unboxed my Jag-wah. Long story short (head over to The Register for some good journalism and my sources):December 2017 Announces that the console could be 'pre-ordered'. The VCS at this point is an empty box. Silence ensues  - tadaaa! An Indiegogo launches. And raises $3m. Launch date - June 2019June 2018 - Boffins start thinking what might be good to put in a plastic box for a few hundred dollars.June 2019 - No working box seems to exist. New launch March 2020Now - main Architect walks out amid alleged invoice mumbling. Backers - dischuffed.All very, very familiar territory. But $3m crowdfunded?No idea on the legal ramifications if it goes further downhill (disclaimer, disclaimer etc), but I'm rather uneasy as A) it seems remarkably easy to raise that much money even for a project as niche as this, and B) the games industry is strewn with games and kit that never got going or was born rubbish.Not that fussed if it's shareholders who carry the can, but members of the public deeply damaged by having bought an Atari Falcon and looking for some redemption? Doesn't seem quite right.The Amiga was still rubbish mind...Matt Winter

No, it doesn't seem right. At the same time, Atari is hardly the company it used to be. In fact, it isn't really the same company at all. I do think crowdfunding - speaking from experience - works best when it's small creators who couldn't otherwise raise the funds for their projects. ​When it's trying to get backing for consumer products, then it's a whole risky can of worms. It's like... if and when I do crowdfunding for a follow-up to Mr Biffo's Found Footage, it's a lean enough project that I can shift lanes if I hit any roadblocks, and find a more affordable way to do something (indeed, I've already discussed both Big Budget and Small Budget versions of the idea I have). When it's something like a console, you can't really cut corners in the same way, or find creative solutions.


It’s great to see you all inspired at the moment. Your posts this week have been some of the funniest you’ve put out on Digi2000 - you’re in a very rich vein of form, and the news about the next big video project is both exciting and incredibly encouraging. Encouraging because it’s clear you’ve found your love for what you do again, and have an idea you 100% believe in.The other ideas you were knocking about sounded like they had more than enough potential - a series 2 of Digi would of course have been welcome, and Bubblegun could’ve been superb if done right. But the news that you’re digging up those lost tapes has me just ecstatic at the prospect of what’s to come.It’s the best possible outcome as far as I’m concerned. I’d been in the mood for more Found Footage for a while now, and this is perfect timing - the fact that the idea of it has you so enthused and energised is such a positive sign as well. I’m already eager for the buildup and drip-feeding of details, even at this super-early stage.I’m sure I speak for a lot of this community when I say we’ll do all we can to help you realise the vision you have for this one. Ready and standing by, anyway we can help.Talking of help, thanks so much for the assistance and nuggets of trivia you sent my way for the new Digi FAQs on Super Page 58. It’s something I’d wanted for the site for some time, so I’m really happy that it’s been fact-checked by you, and some mysteries have been at least semi-answered.Here they are, if anyone hasn’t seen them yet and is curious. Hope they prove useful:http://www.superpage58.com/digitiser-frequently-asked-questions-faq-teletext-mr-biffo.htmThe ghost of Tony Wilson graphic you made for it was just spot on as well, thanks so much for doing that.Off the back of your revelation that Reversible Sedgewicks made a cameo in that episode of My Parents Are Aliens, I must ask you - are there any other Digi Easter “eggs” dotted throughout your TV work that we can track down? I love the thought of you dropping in little references to things that would go completely over most peoples’ heads.Did Danny Boyd ever pop up in your kids shows like you were intending at one point?Well, it seems like it’s been a very positive week in for you and Digi all in all - I think you can go off and fully enjoy pretending to be in Star Wars for a couple of weeks now. Hope you have the best time - you’ve certainly earned it!Chris Bell

Thankyou, Bellston. There aren't many Digi Easter eggs in my kids shows, but I did get "I cuss you bad" in at least one early episode of 4 O'Clock Club. I got told to take out the word "skank" in a script, though. Apparently, it's offensive. The next series of 4OCC - out early next year - does indeed have a regular main character called Danny Boyd.​And when I did my ep of EastEnders, I had a reference to "Zombie Dave's Pizza" in there, which remained right up to the penultimate draft... and believe it or not it was me who took it out, because of the way the story changed. Beyond that, there aren't any I can recall. I recorded the 150th ep of Cheapshow last night, and there are a lot of "moc-moc-a-mocs" in it. No, really. You'll see why...


As you've made friends with an Air Fish (which we all know is a Pike on a Stick, you're not fooling me, oh no!!!) who somehow wants me to write to you, I was wondering about Air Guitars and what you like to play on them. I like "Money For Nothing" by Dire Straits with that Yaffel botherer Sting.Jon Clay, Taunton, Somerset

I've never really gone in for air guitar. I always think it looks like the person is having a stroke. I'm more an air keyboards man. Marillion's Incommunicado is my go-to in that instance. Guitars look weird on me anyway, because I'm a big feller. It always looks like I'm playing a child's toy guitar. 


451) You've mentioned before, correctly, that Sega has a fantastic back catalogue that they ignore. It seems hard to believe that Golden Axe, Daytona USA, Ecco and others haven't continued, which begs the question why? I suspect that it is partly because, as a developer, we didn't know what we had with Sega until much of it was gone.​At times I think they were unfairly treated by a games press, which was then (and still is in many ways) soft on Nintendo to the point that many of their great games left the public conscience. Do you think this could partly explain their reluctance to revive their classics?452) Do you have any thoughts on Blizzard's ban of Chung Ng Wai? Are they correct to try to appease people in a commercially sensitive area or should they be ashamed for caving in to an authoritarian regime?453) Which arcade games, if any, would have been improved by being able to complete them? As much as I liked it, I was always annoyed that you always lost eventually playing Crazy Taxi.454) Is Hideo Kojima the most powerful individual games developer in the world and if not, who is?455) I was reading about Nerina Pallot today and there was an interesting quote from a former manager of hers which described how she should have been a huge star as she had the backing of a big label, good songs and a decent amount of talent - but after 3 years of 'push,' it just didn't work.​What games should have been really popular in your opinion, but just weren't, perhaps for no obvious reason. I would nominate Remember Me.John Whyte

451) I can't say for sure, but I think it was a mixture of tastes and trends moving away from more arcade-y like gameplay. Plus, of course, Sega was in trouble for a long time, and had to try different things that might've been more popular. We forget that part (admittedly only part) of why the Dreamcast failed is because its tentpole games - great as they were - were all arcade ports, and people were after soemthing different. But there are signs that reviving the Sega classics is starting to happen; Streets of Rage and Panzer Dragoon are both coming back. 452) I get why they've done it - China is a massive market, and they're a business - but at the same time... it seems a kind of cowardly move on their part. The way Hollywood bows down to China, despite its record on human rights - shoehorned-in locations in, say, Marvel movies - feels really cynical to me. 453) The point of arcade games was never really to complete them. They were machines to keep you playing as long as possible, so you kept sinking money into them. That said, Dragon's Lair - which, let's face it, you could only complete if you spent a small fortune - would've probably have worked better as an animated movie, from beginning to end.454) Huh. I dunno. Perhaps. His games are weird though.455) Spec Ops: The Line should've been bigger than it was. It was a solid FPS, with an interesting setting, and it did some really interesting things narratively and thematically. But maybe gamers don't want to have to question the nature of war when they're more used to shooting things mindlessly.


I agreed with your thoughts on Apple Arcade a while back - it’s a largely nice collection of games, and well worth the price of entry. I’d have paid £5 for Grindstone and Cat Quest 2 individually and have had plenty of fun from them.A little disappointing you can’t buy the titles without subscribing if you so wish, but I suppose they have to get people in somehow. However: some Arcade stuff is pretty rancid, notably Oceanhorn 2 which plays like somebody’s first Unity game.But there is other mobile gaming news! I have to mention Mario Kart World Tour on iOS. Absolute guff. They have failed to distill any of the joy or novelty from the console versions, and instead present an (admittedly pretty) imitation with utterly miserable controls.​It just feels wrong, plays wrong, stinks like Toad’s corpse reversed over twice. I’m almost glad they seem to have scrapped the Zelda iOS game by now: it’d probably just have been something like the shooting gallery minigame one. Very poor stuff indeed from Nintendo.Enjoy your holidays! Very much looking forward to a Star Wars superfan’s review of Galaxy’s Edge, and will be using it as the basis of a strategic assault on my wife’s resistance to going near the place. All the best!Richard M

Yeah, I dunno what Nintendo is playing at when it comes to their mobile games. A few years back it was going to be the future of the company... and then the Switch was a massive hit. Hopefully they'll just forget about it altogether.And thank you! I'm ridiculously excited about Galaxy's Edge. It's the whole reason why we never had a honeymoon after we got married last year; we were waiting for it to open. Gutted the second ride won't be ready in time, but I'm mostly looking forward to the food anyway. Story of my life.Definitely aiming to get some footage for Digi while I'm there, which I'll try to weave in to some videos somehow. Also, we're staying in a mad Airbnb that's basically for D&D players to host games, and has suits of armour and potion bottles everywhere, and a dragon's head on the wall. I'm probably about as excited for that as I am Disney.Anyhow, if we get enough letters before next I go, we might have a Digitiser Thursday Letters Page next week. Write... write... write!!!And watch Sunday's Digitiser. And this one (and all the other ones):


This Month in....1984 (ZX Spectrum)

1 Sabre Wolf

2 Lords Of Midnight

3 Matchpoint

4 Jet Set Willy

5 Atic Atac

6 Full Throttle

7 Codename Mat

8 Lunar Jetman

9 Moon Alert

10 Manic Miner

ZX Spectrum Charts taken from Crash

Others will be added when available

This Month in....1989 (ZX Spectrum)

1 Treasure Island Dizzy

2 Enduro Racer

3 Postman Pat

4 MiG 29

5 Daley Thompson's Decathlon

6 Robocop

7 Green Beret

8 Barry McGuigan World Championship Boxing

9 Saboteur 2

10 Advanced Soccer Simulator

All Charts taken from C&VG

This Month in....1994 (SNES)

1 FIFA International Soccer

2 Super Metroid

3 Smash Tennis

4 Megaman X

5 Desert Fighter

Sega Charts taken from C&VG

Nintendo Charts taken from C&VG

Amiga Charts taken from Amiga Format or C&VG

This Month in....1996 (Saturn)

1 Destruction Derby

2 Athlete Kings

3 Bust A Move 2

4 Loaded

5 Legend Of Thor

6 Discworld

7 Olympic Soccer

8 Virtua Cop

9 Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3

10 Wrestlemania

Sega Saturn Charts from Sega Saturn Magazine, with thanks to @SegaMags

This Month in....1999 (PC)

1 Kingpin: Life Of Crime

2 Aliens vs Predator

3 Hidden and Dangerous

4 Dungeon Keeper II

5 Braveheart

6 Outcast

7 Championship Manager 3

8 Star Wars: Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace

9 Discworld Noir

10 Star Wars: Episode 1 - Racer

N64 & PlayStation Charts taken from C&VG

PC Charts taken from PC Zone


Sun Oct 20 12:28:34 +0000 2019

@PeteWilliamsMus @YouTube @BewdleyFestival @BZephaniah @prodnose @elizacarthy @WhisperingBob @GarethJonesTV What a night! 👏👏👏❤️

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Liked: 2
Sun Oct 20 09:35:29 +0000 2019

RT @ByDonkeys: Now put it to the people (Parliament Square 19/10/19) https://t.co/21VKLsRvJd

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Thu Oct 17 08:38:35 +0000 2019

@C4TheCircle The blatant horror film music playing under Sammie 😂 Who is the real manipulator here? Don't hate the player, hate the game. Same goes for life.

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Wed Oct 16 16:52:35 +0000 2019

@GarethJonesTV You look shocked and angry

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Wed Oct 16 07:47:24 +0000 2019

@Notagoth Yayyy!

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Mon Oct 14 21:46:30 +0000 2019

@GarethJonesTV @SkyOne If you've got a super power it's good to use it, I guess

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Mon Oct 14 20:06:13 +0000 2019

@hardistymark Love love loved this game. It properly felt like being in Star Trek.

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Mon Oct 14 18:03:11 +0000 2019

Already excited about going to see @PeteWilliamsMus play this Saturday eve for @BewdleyFestival since I missed his London gig in September.

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Mon Oct 14 11:10:59 +0000 2019

RT @GarethJonesTV: No1 Son is aiming for a Number One, if you pre-save his fab free debut single it might just help a little. https://t.co/…

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Sun Oct 13 16:41:05 +0000 2019

@mrbiffo https://t.co/yOr0Ib8V42

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Sun Oct 13 15:20:48 +0000 2019

Debut single, out this month, one to watch. Trust. #NewMusic #singersongwriter #music #singer #musician #artist #instagood #instamusic #beats #spotify #musicproducer #songwriter #soundcloud #musicians #beautiful https://t.co/s3Cx5htl2j

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Wed Sep 11 20:20:32 +0000 2019

@giagia ❤️

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Wed Sep 04 17:20:36 +0000 2019

I have attended @AdvXConf for the past 5 years - but sad to see tickets sold so quickly I didn't get one in time. Please issue more @britishlibrary - I need to go see the amazing @betterthemask speak. Clearly everyone else does too ...

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Wed Jun 19 20:56:45 +0000 2019

RT @OFalafel: The real hero of Street Fighter II was whoever sorted out all their flights and travel visas.

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Thu Jun 06 08:47:26 +0000 2019

And after the show fireworks on Brno Lake. So in short, come to Brno - it’s brilliant here. Who knew!? (Probably lots of people but were keeping it secret) https://t.co/mxGB4miYAj

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Guide Digitiser Guide Guide