P471Digitext470HOLD

DIGITISER LIVE: A THING THAT HAPPENED ----- 471

TOMY/RADIO SHACK ROBOTIC ARM! ----- 472

THE DIGITISER FRIDAY LETTERS PAGE ----- 473

This Month in...charts ----- 474

Violet Berlin ----- 475

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Key:
To be implemented
Available

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HELP

To advance (quickly) through the pages, press right square bracket key (located near the enter key), otherwise the pages will move forward every minute

To pause a page press "h" and then again to unpause

To move to another page (like 470) just type it in

NIGHT NETWORK

From 12am till 6am the site will play easy listening music to simulate the closedown of TV from the early eighties. This was initially started by Ceefax (the BBC teletext service) but did get picked up by Teletext.

FASTTEXT

Fasttext now added. This helped to jump to pages quickly without the need to key in the numbers. Bamboozle used this to great effect - to see this key in 452.

REVEAL

To be implemented.

ABOUT

I originally wanted to write a Windows 95 simulator as a follow-on homage to LGR's DOS portion of website - http://www.lazygamereviews.com/prompt/. I figured it should work quite well with the advancement in javascript over the years and it meant that I could utilise more JS programming skills as I don't do much of that currently.

I didn't want to use jQuery as I would only be using a small portion of that code and I wanted to try and keep the site as tightly written as possible, without excessive code. I have seen another website that does use jQuery and interestingly that is based more on Ceefax rather than mine which is Teletext based. You can find the site here: http://worldofpaul.com/teletext/.

SO WHY DIGITISER?

Around 2017, Mr Biffo (Paul Rose) of Digitiser fame, surfaced back into the "limelight" and was attending retro gaming events talking about the old Digitiser days. I thought it'd be pretty cool to make an online teletext simulator using nothing but HTML, CSS and Javascript. This would be a cut down challenge from the Windows based one and so here we are.

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Bamber Boozler poses another 12 questions. Answer using fasttext at the bottom. One wrong and you must try again.

Can you answer all 12 in one attempt?

Press RED to begin

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Internet. Which Youtuber wrote Attack of the Flickering Skeletons?

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Red:Peter Leigh


Green:Larry Bundy Junior


Yellow:Stuart Ashen


Cyan:Matt Barton


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Game consoles. In which year was Apple Pippin released?

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Red:1997


Green:1996


Yellow:1998


Cyan:1995


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Games. Complete the word for this well known series: Desert ______, Jungle ______, Urban ______, Soviet ______ & Nuclear ______

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Red:Boom


Green:Mix


Yellow:Fever


Cyan:Strike


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Software. Which Microsoft product had the project name: Chicago?

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Red:Microsft Windows 95


Green:Microsft Windows Vista


Yellow:Microsft Office 97


Cyan:Microsft Bob


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History. 20th July 1969 saw the crew of Apollo 11 landing on the moon for the first time. The crew were Neil Armstrong, Edwin Aldrin Junior and who else?

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Red:Michael Madsen


Green:James Lovell Junior


Yellow:Michael Collins


Cyan:James Irwin

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Bad luck!

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YOU'VE BEEN BAMBOOZLED


Do you wish to play again? If so, press red below

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Tom Cruise turns 57 on the 3rd of July. In 1985, he starred in the film Legend. Which actor played the Lord of Darkness?

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Red:Tim Curry


Green:Tim Allen


Yellow:Brian Blessed


Cyan:Alan Rickman


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Geography. Which country does the volcano Etna reside?

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Red:Russia


Green:Italy


Yellow:Indonesia


Cyan:Ecuador


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Films. Who is Harry Crumb?

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Red:John Goodman


Green:John Candy


Yellow:John Hurt


Cyan:John Belushi


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Comics. What is the first name of Judge Dredd from 2000AD?

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Red:William


Green:Wallace


Yellow:Jack


Cyan:Joseph


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Politics. How long does Prime Minister's Question Time last?

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Red:10 mins


Green:50 mins


Yellow:30 mins


Cyan:20 mins


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Which is the odd one out of this Ghostbusters lineup:

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Red:Louis Tully


Green:Egon Spengler


Yellow:Ray Stantz


Cyan:Peter Venkman


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Cartoons. Which cartoon series is Matt Trakker from?

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Red:Masters of the Universe


Green:Visionaries


Yellow:G.I. Joe


Cyan:M.A.S.K.


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Well done! How many did you get right first time? Check your rating below

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I'm still processing, so this could be a bit of a ramble, but I thought I should try and write about Saturday night. It was a lot to take in, and the utter exhaustion was immense.I was a semi-vegetable by the time I got home (what sort of semi-vegetable? A carrot-esque, if you must know). If you were there, you probably saw that it was quite a physical show. That was on top of loading in, setting up, rehearsing the day before etc. etc. We all, I think, put everything into the performance on stage. Certainly, Gannon was a sweaty, broken, mess by the end too. I've never seen him look so wrecked. Then there was the chaotic load-out - which tons of you helped with, so thank you - but because we'd overrun so much, there was sort of no downtime. We'd planned to have half hour backstage just to decompress a bit before heading out to meet you all, but we didn't get that. There was also something of a dressing room invasion, which I regret, as we'd have benefited from some headspace.Basically, if you thought the show was chaos - what happened afterwards was twice that. I tried to grab five minutes in the carpark once the stage was cleared, but I was gasping for a drink. I'd lost sight of Larry, Sarah, and Paul I only managed to speak to Paul, briefly, through the bar window. I headed inside, with the aim of having a beer, and never made it. I wanted to see them and tell them how brilliant they'd been, but never managed to. I only saw Larry right at the end of the night, I dunno how long I was chatting in the corridor, and doing the selfies thing, but long enough that the bar closed. And then they started turning off the lights. And there was more chatting outside.​So, it ended up being hugely mentally and emotionally draining, as well as physically. But at least I was sober, and could drive home.

MEET SANDWICH

​It was properly lovely meeting so many of you, but I was seriously running on empty by the time that happened. I apologise for my thousand yard stare, my rambling, and how briefly I got to chat with everyone.I think we're all quite aware that there was perhaps a boundary issue from one or two people, and an attempt to monopolise, so I'm also sorry if that happened while you were waiting for me. If I hadn't been so exhausted and drained I might've done a better job at policing it. I loved meeting people. I loved hearing that people enjoyed the show, and I loved finding out how far people had travelled. But man... it was seriously draining. And it was partly so draining due to the aforementioned boundary-pushing. Obviously, I missed out on Chunky Fringe, and all your socialising earlier in the day, but I hear that it was all a big part of what made the day special. Told you that the Digi community is lovely, and you had nothing to worry about!I admit, on Sunday morning, I was a big bag of emotions. I couldn't see much past the meet-and-greet stuff, and couldn't get a perspective on the show itself. It was similar to how I felt after doing the Video Game Game Show Show last month. Slightly fighting that feeling that I'd somehow ballsed it all up, that I was chaotic and shouty without being funny, and that was mixed in with the tiredness. ​However... once the fog started to lift, once I could see your tweets, your videos, your photos, and read how much you all seemed to have loved Saturday night, I soon started to piece together my own experience of it. We had a weird perspective on the show - you lot got to watch it, but we only saw it from being on the stage, or from the side of the stage while getting ready for the next bit. With hindsight, having decompressed and debriefed, I don't think I've ever been so proud of something I've done.

THE QUOON

Driving into the venue carpark on Saturday was surreal. Just seeing so many of you sat in the carpark, drinking and chatting. I felt like the Queen as I waved at you. It was also a relief; I always have the fear that nobody is going to turn up.Remembering back to when I've put on live events in the past - first Digifest and then the Found Footage premiere - I was nervous and stressed beforehand, flooded with adrenaline, which I had sort of needed.Before Saturday night there was no stress, no nerves, and - most worryingly - no adrenaline. I've no idea why, but it was unfortunate, because when I drove onto the stage, I didn't have that fire under me that I really could've needed. The intro was the only bit of the show that I felt didn't really work - the only part which had moments I'd wanted to happen, which didn't happen. And that was partly down to not really feeling present. I failed to take command, I guess. I was sauntering through, when I should've been running.My adrenaline slowly started to creep up on me as the show began to overrun. I say this as a good thing. We lost all track of the time - being on stage felt like it had lasted about 10 minutes, so it was a shock to realise we did nearly three hours in the end. No wonder we were knackered. There was a bit of a discussion during the intermission about whether we should drop something. I suggested cutting the Even More Beautiful Boy, but my wife insisted that'd be cut over her dead body (not least because Retro Princess had made the head for us, and was in the audiencece). In the end, nothing was removed, and we still - thanks to all the help - managed to get out more or less on time. 

DIGITISER LIVER

Since I've been able to process, there are loads of highlights for me. Being able to watch the Antique's Roadshow bit from the audience, and seeing Larry and Octav1us commanding the stage, took huge pressure off. Despite losing my clipboard containing my "funny comments", Mockety Moc went okay ("Liver!"), and Sniff Mario's Pipes was every bit as chaotic as we'd hoped for.The guests were, as always, fully engaged with the nonsense, Although I'm gutted I didn't get to speak to Ashens and Mr Hairs beforehand, and that Mr Hairs had to leave at halftime. By all accounts, their appearance at Chunky Fringe was a triumph.We approached the show in a way that sort of had failure built in. We had structure, but it was deliberately ill-planned. That, we've realised, is what Digitiser is.Digi functions best when it goes wrong, so there was space built in for that to happen. Gannon described it to me best in words along these lines: "So long as we set up the expectation of what it's meant to be... then it's funnier when it goes wrong."You all seem to get this now, which is lovely. The chaos is where we thrive. Pack the show with poorly-thought-through, over-complicated, under-rehearsed, segment ideas... and then see what happens. Given this approach, I've no idea why my adrenaline was absent on the day.It was the second half I was really looking forward to, though. I knew I'd have found my legs by then, and it was designed in a way that we'd escalate the Digi-ness of it all. The Braben song appears to be the ear worm to end all ear worms. That was always going to open the second half. The song and the Bronk introduction videos were the first two ideas for the show, and have been in there since I first began the planning. Hearing you all carrying on the David Braben singalong during a brief pause, was - for all its puerile humour - one of the best moments of my life. There had been concerns that nobody would join in, that people would freak out at being asked to sing... So to then have you all start your own impromptu singalong was completely unexpected. Amazing. Everything else in the second half was added relatively late, or changed massively. Sonic For Real went through a bunch of different iterations. The vore game only came together last week (thank my wife for the balloons idea). Likewise the fan fiction section. Originally, I wanted the final round to have Sooz and Slope firing the stuffed hedgehog at Larry, but there was a genuine risk of it injuring him.Turns out that hedgehogs are spiky!

FOR CHRIS'S SAKE

Room 404 was Paul's section, and free for him to do what he wanted with it, much as Antique's Roadshow and Tell had been Larry's. Seemed only right to pair him with "Chris" O'Neil again. That was obviously followed by Octav1us's lovely and oddly touching Digitiser song - which none of us had heard beforehand. And then it was into probably my favourite five minutes - the Even More Beautiful Boy and The Man's Daddy.The video which accompanied the EMBB was only put together on Saturday morning, along with the idea to have him emerge into the audience. It was the most Found Footage-y part of the show, and therefore the most purely me. I could see nothing in the mask, apart from the terrified face of one particular audience member. I'm assured that it had the desired effect. That went straight into The Man's Daddy.He was always going to be in the show, but it took me ages to figure out how to make it work. I wanted him to be there in person, but the truth is... the mask is a health hazard. You can't breathe in it, you can't see in it... and he doesn't speak English, so he'd have had to be subtitled - which meant that you either looked at him or looked at the screen, rather than focus on one thing or the other. It just wasn't going to work live. Then I had the brainwave to get the audience to BE The Man's Daddy. I was nervous though. I didn't know if anybody would read along, but I took a degree of inspiration from Blue Man Group; the intro to their shows gets the audience to read something out, so I was hopeful.That said, I changed all of the jokes on Saturday morning. The dodo one always goes down well...Then it was into the finale - the Clive Sinclair game. 

INVENTOR OF THE THINGS

Plan A had been to do Destruction Derby For Real live on stage, but there were again a few concerns about health and safety (See? We do consider these things).Then I spent two months trying to write a Clive Sinclair play - I might share the script of it at some point - but I just couldn't make it work in a way that felt like a suitable finale. Then I just combined the two ideas, following a family picnic where I saw some kids riding around on those swegway go-kart things. I didn't feel comfortable putting Paul, Larry and Octav1us through more torture, which is where the idea for them to get their "revenge" came from.I mean, it's a bit weird when you consider that I knew what was going to happen, because I came up with the ideas... but I had to conceive of them as if I was going to put Paul through it all. To be honest, I was hoping the audience response would be such that I'd legitimately still be able to make Paul do it if I wanted... but no. You bastards.​Still, we all got to see Larry half-naked again, which always goes down well. I had no idea he was going to step onto the stage like that. The man has no shame. Lastly, we went into the Molyneux song - one of Chris Jerden-Cooke's finest pieces. We had to have a big, rousing, end to the show. I had the climax of Live Aid in my head - so asking Chris and Gaming Muso to be part of it, and asking Sooz to sing it for us... and getting people out on stage... I mean, it was a shambles, but it was a sort of euphoric, very Digi, shambles. 

TA FOR THAT

I keep thanking people, and I wasn't going to do that again here, but my gratitude is out of control.Everyone involved with the show you saw on Saturday - Steve Horsley, MrPSB, Kirsty, Bex, Gaia, Izzie - plus Nick who provided the backstage food, David and Chris who put on Chunky Fringe, Chris and Muso for the music, Steve who took pics... all the guests - Tim, Stuart, Steve, Kim, Dan, Peter, Eli, and especially Sooz Kempner - did the show for nothing. It was only possible to do it like we did it because everyone worked for free. However, a few people went above and beyond. Quang, as he was on Digitiser The Show, absolutely saved the day on numerous occasions. The man is an absolute legend. Then of course there's Paul, Larry and Sarah. They all love being a part of Digitiser (I hope). We're a gang. We fit together so well, somehow, despite all being very different people, yet we've got a sort of weird, compatible, shambolic energy that just works. And then there's my wife, Sanya. She works so hard on helping me put together the things we do. She doesn't accept it, but everything from Digitiser2000, Digifest, Found Footage, Trojan Arse, the FF premiere, Digitiser The Show, the Minis, and now Digi Live were possible because of her. She basically does all the stressful stuff, which includes having to live in a house full of weird props. Plus, not only does she encourage me to embrace being me, but on an organisational level she makes it all happen. Couple to that the creative input she's had, particular on the live show - she had tons of creative solutions this time around - and she's the real unsung hero of everything Digitiser. Digitiser Live existed in my head for so long - over a year now - that it has been this sort of abstract thing. Being in it was a sort of out-of-body experience. I had no real sense of it from the stage. Watching your videos, and seeing the pictures, makes it real. Some of you travelled so far to be there, overcame anxiety, and so fully engaged... And because of that we actually did it! Together we all made a thing that looked like a sort of show, it lived up to the hype, and it will never, ever, exist in that form again.It was a genuine one-off; a moment that we all experienced together, in our own, unique way - us on stage, everyone backstage, and all of you in the audience.We made magic. Be proud.​I know I am.Thanks to Gaming Muso for the photos.

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Biffo and Gannon play around with the vintage Armtron robotic arm from Tomy/Radio Shack... while Gannon gets his nip tweaked, and Biffo tells a harrowing story.​Subscribe for regular videos, and support Digitiser on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/digitiser2000

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One week until Digitiser Live. Goodness. Inevitably, as seems to happen with all my projects, the work done in advance never seems to avoid a last-minute crunch.Added to that, I've been dealing with carpal tunnel syndrome over the last couple of weeks, and trying to rest my typing arm whenever I can, hoping it'll be healed in time for the show. Hence; a slightly quieter week on Digi, and next week will likely be the same, alas. Sorry in advance.One-arm or not... it's going to be quite the show. Yesterday was spent assembling the video and musical sequences into order - videos for transitions between sections, and two full-on musical numbers (we do hope you all sing along; the words will be up on the screen) - looking for gaps that need to be plugged. My other half was painting props, dealing with tickets, and other bits of organisation. It's quite the undertaking.And, of course, we learned this week that there are more seats available than we'd been told; which means we've been able to put some extra tickets on sale. They are selling steadily though, so if you can make it to the Harrow Arts Centre in Hatch End, London, next Saturday, click here now.If you're worried about attending on your lonesome... rest assured you'll be among your own kind, and I know the Digi community is very welcoming. Plus, y'know, I suspect you'll kick yourself if you miss it. Plus, because I always do, I've spent a small fortune of my own money on stuff for it, and I want people to see what we have in store. The intro alone is guaranteed to drop jaws, and I'VE SPOILED NOTHING THUS FAR.And don't forget to bring some techy tat for us to look at during the Antique's Roadshow & Tell section. Also, there's a whole afternoon of free, Digi-related activities for earlybirds, lots of special guests from the retro community, and... ohhhh... I'm very excited.JOIN US.

If you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, or you've got a picture of a bin you wish to share, please send your filthy emails to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com​​​​​​​​​

GRAMANA

Happy Birthday! Your present is an anagram. Did you know that an anagram of PAUL "MR BIFFO" ROSE is BUM "RIFFS" REAL POO? I thought you'd like it. I miss improvements via improper gameplay. Have you found any good ones recently?​Moc-Moc A-Moc
Press reveal to see an anagram of your name:

REVEAL:

VR SOUL

After watching the video of you playing VR I wondered what your thoughts on VR and how it is a part of gaming are.I recently sent mine back, due to a lack of games backing up to the hardware. It seemed like an expensive Wii to me, which was not my favourite console to be honest.Love the show.Phil

Dude. C'mon. My thoughts on VR? There's a search box on this very site which will reveal to you my still-evolving opinions, which I have written about at length on numerous occasions. ​In short: I think the Oculus Quest is a turning point - for me at least - in that without wires, and without the nausea, I finally get it. There need to be more games for it, but it's early days.

500 Qs OF WHYTE

386) Which games had the best real-world setting and which had the best fictional one?387) Many games feature flying, but which game do you think gives the best sensation of flight, as opposed to simply moving in the sky?388) At what point do you think that home systems, rather than arcade machines, began to offer the definitive experience of games? Obviously this discounts those games that require arcade-style hardware389) What is your favourite in-game vehicle?390) Big data might end up with more personalised game 'experiences,' would you like this or is it unnecessary?​John Whyte

386) I thought Everyone's Gone To The Rapture was pretty convincing. Also the last couple of GTA games felt very evocative of the places they were sort of pretending to be. The day/night cycle in GTA is one of its most underrated features; the way the atmosphere changes as day turns into night... it feels very real. 

387) Ultrawings, which you can see me attempting in a recent video, does a good job of it, primarily because it's basically Pilotwings in VR. That said, I'm sure there are plenty of decent flight sims out there, but I've not played one in decades.388) For me it was early as the 16-bit era consoles. Something like Golden Axe on the Mega Drive might not have been arcade perfect, but it was close enough, and over the course of the Mega Drive and SNES's life games became better than their arcade counterparts. 389) I dunno if I have a favourite. I have a least favourite; the Warthog from Halo, which handles like it's a bouncy castle on wheels. 399) It seems unnecessary give we already play games in a way that's personal to us. Also... a bit creepy. I don't like personalised ads as it is.

A BREWERY

Is there a pissup after Digi ​Live?Lots of weird love,Ali​

Once we've packed up and had a wash, we intend to decamp to the venue bar with anybody who cares to join us. We will be available for hugs and chats. Handshakes will be arm-injury-dependent. Excitingly, we visited the venue this week, and discovered that the backstage area has a door leading straight into the bar. I'm going to need that. 

WORST BAD-GOOD

What’s the worst critically reviewed game that you love? I have a soft spot for Fester’s Quest on the NES, and I’m pretty sure it’s only nostalgia for a game I was forced to play for 6 months as Nintendo carts were £40 and I was a penniless, pubeless, fresh human, not yet 10 years removed from the womb.J Is Manchild, Tunbridge Wells

The one that springs to mind is Daytona USA for the Saturn. It fared very badly in comparison to Ridge Racer on the PS1. I appreciate it was the inferior game graphically, and full of rough edges, but for me Daytona just felt more satisfying and exciting to play. 

SERIOUS QUICK

Serious question:What’s your view on the massive sexualisation of children in some Japanese games? My stepson scrolls through the listings on the Switch and PS4 and it’s pretty uncomfortable to have to explain to him “no you can’t download that game that looks like a cartoon because it’s... a bit weird”. I get that the big stereotypical “kill a hundred people” archetype fulfils a power fantasy, so you’ve gotta wonder what kind of fantasy that kinda thing fulfils...​Dan Quick
That is a serious question, Swifty. And yeah... I'm very uncomfortable with it. It's an aspect of Japanese culture that we seem to have just accepted, for whatever reason. Just because it's a cultural thing doesn't mean it's right. I even struggle a bit with Bayonetta, with her PVC catsuit, always sticking her arse out, but it seems that some Japanese games get something of a free pass.

DIRTY PERVERT

I’ve recently been impressed that my 7 year old PC is still able to keep up with a lot of fun games at 60fps. I've taken to modding Fallout 4 after picking it up for a minimal spend, and after having it on the PS4 Pro was a bit concerned that my PC would clunk a bit, but it’s out-performed it fantastically. ​I’ve managed to cram in nudity, deformity, nude giants and made several characters look like hookers who may also be nude and all manner of things the PS4 version disallowed me to do (possibly in the name of good taste).But what an age! I recall when PC technology shifted so quickly that keeping up was a very expensive hobby, and I was replacing it every few years. Either that or current technology has stagnated to a point where it no longer moves forwards in leaps and bounds but shuffles slowly like an octogenarian octopus.  Mr. S​

I was really confused when I first read this letter. I thought you were letting a 7 year-old child play a game full of "nude giants" and "hookers". Why have you done this, Mr S? More to the point, why have you felt the need to let people know?

BIRTHDAY BOIIIII​

So the new Digi letters page goes up on my birthday.  I'm not saying that it would make my year to be on Digi on my birthday, but... Oh, alright, it would be bloody brilliant! Ahem...I just watched the amazing New Coke/Stranger Things Digi video (how's that for pandering?) and I thought it was hilarious. But I especially wanted to share my wife's response. When you mentioned Pacers, she yelled: "Yes! Pacers! I knew Biffo was a good 'un!" You're definitely winning her over. Now, I never had the pleasure of Pacers - can you elaborate on the attraction of them for the younger members of your audience? (Full disclosure - young in that I'm nearly forty). Are there any other defunct sweeties that deserve a comeback?  Did anyone ever eat licorice?  Why?True story: when we started going out, my wife once said to me "I've not really played any video games, but I'm a bit interested in them.  If I bought some, would you play them for me?"  There's not really a point to this story, I'm just bragging that my wife is brilliant.  Moving onto a more serious question - do you support a two state solution for Palestine?  Also, I find the pieces you've posted on writing fascinating, especially on writing for a very specific audience (or script editor).  Would you ever consider doing more in that vein?  Are there certain changes that you made against your better judgement or  that you were glad to have the opportunity to fix? Really, any tips or stories about your craft would be fantastic.  Asking for a rejected manuscript.  Or two.Anyway, I love Digitiser and have done since practically day one. I'm gutted I can't make it to Digi live, but I hope it's an amazing time.   Thank you for all the fun!Moc on,James Donaldson (and his wife, Tracey. Hi honey!)​

Happy birthday, Heuy (this is an oblique reference to you being "Donaldson" - though I appreciate that Huey, Dewey and Louie are Donald Duck's nephews, not his sons... More to the point, it's a bit suspect that one of them is called "Dewey" - how d'you think he got that name then...?).Pacers were like a sort of spearmint version. of Starburst, but softer. A very nice, subtle, minty taste, and there's nothing around like them anymore.My wife, shortly after I met her, once pointed to a big billboard advertising the latest Call of Duty game, and sighed: "That's the sort of game my brother would like..." At that point she knew nothing of Digitiser, or Mr Biffo, or that I wrote about video games for years. I wanted to impress her, so I said nothing. Hilariously, when she first met me she thought I was some posh, sensible, boy, who was into rugby. How profoundly wrong she was...Anyway, assuming your question about Palestine is intended to be whimsical... Yeah, I'd possibly consider writing about writing a bit more, though it's probably something I'd be more likely to do as a Patreon blog. I guess I'd potentially find it a bit boring. I've been doing it for years, and the craft of it - such as it is - is second nature now, so I no longer really think about what I'm doing. But possibly. If I feel the urge and have something to say/whinge about. One change I made against my better judgement was in the Pudsey The Dog The Movie script, where for some reason a producer insisted on one of the dog characters saying "O.M.F.G." - I did point out that the F stood for something that wasn't perhaps appropriate in a film aimed at those aged six and under, but it stayed in there until the final production draft, when I then just quietly took it out. Nobody ever noticed.There was also a whole subplot with a mad dog in the dog prison sequence who wanted to escape by building a mole machine to tunnel out, which felt much more "me" than most of the film  I got asked to remove most of that, which was a shame. It was the only real thing I fought for in the script, but ultimately a battle that I lost. A bit inexplicable when they doubled-down on all the poo jokes instead.Also: hi, Tracey! 

WHY DOES IT ALWAYS RAIN DOWN ON ME?

Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?Any help would be appreciated.Yours,A Very Wet Man

What am I meant to say to that? Also, do you remember that Travis video with the big egg? I just watched it, and had absolutely no recollection of the song, but remembered almost everything about the video. That's one of two things I remember about Travis. Also, that Marillion's keyboard player has occasionally stood in when their regular keyboard player has been unavailable. Egg!

NINTENDO SWIZARD

Happy Friday Mr Joy of the Guitar Biff-o!As a Switch 'user', any thoughts on the Switch Lite - is it a viiable budget version, or does it lose key features that don't justify the saving?I finished watching Chernobyl this week - it reminded me about the website 'Nukemap' by Alex Wellerstein. You can superimpose a nuclear blast of your choice on any location and see what the blast, fall out etc. would be. ​Hours of fun, especially if you live near an air force base or power station!Tschuss!Voiced By Guides​

I only ever use my Switch as a handheld, and despite not needing one, I kind of like the look of the Lite. The detachable Joycons are only ever really used for a handful of games - it's more a gimmick really - so losing them seems like no big loss.That nuclear blast map thing is something I've long been obsessed with. I think there was a version of it around since the early days of the internet, but I'm pretty sure I saw something similar in a book or a magazine when I was growing up. I do sometimes wonder what effect the constant threat of nuclear war had on me.For all the awfulness the world currently faces - climate change being the biggest one, the steady rise of the far-right being the other - they're more a slow burn. Kids today don't live with the feeling that the entire world could go up in flames at the drop of a "pinny".

GAMING MILL'S FRIDAY LETTER

I've got a few friends that are vegetarians and a few that are vegan. I have no problem with that (obviously, because they're my friends). However, my vegan pals all drive cars. I'm yet to broach them with the subject, but do they realise where their petrol and diesel originates from?That being said, how can they not like cheese? I'm sure they do, but it is probably something to do with personal morals - but when have you ever seen an unhappy cow? I might be some sort of buffoon or something, but I'm pretty sure cows like providing milk, especially when they're being fed and looked after as part of the whole lactating recompense... especially making sure they're not attacked by wolves and lions.Now, on to more serious matters. Yorkshire puddings. Why bother when you can buy such sumptuous morsels from the frozen section in Aldi and suchlike? It's the same with eggs - why bother with them chicken things when you can buy them from Aldi and suchlike?As a meat eating vegan myself it makes far more sense to buy your cheese, eggs and suchlike from a shop. No bother, no death, no harm!I have terrible hay fever yet again so I'm going to go now to find even more evidence that ghosts are not real.​Gaming Mill

Well, that letter seems designed to provoke a response.

WORLD OF BOREDOM

So! Dr Mario World is really dreary. I assumed it would be good - because it is a Mario game - but it has the usual slow-to-accumulate-turns that you can pay real money to get a few more of.​Throw in random character drops, and you’ve got a real turd of a game. They even ditched the classic gameplay to make it feel more like Candy Crush or something! Utter dog dirt. (Full disclosure: opinion based on 40 levels of single player. I didn’t try the versus mode, which is rumoured to be all right.)Why am I complaining about this here? Because nobody else will listen to me about this sort of nonsense!Anyway. Hope the live show goes well! I regret not being there already, but my wife would probably leave me if I ditched the family holiday. Looking forward to whatever glimpse of proceedings us non-attendees might get.Richard M.

I hadn't even realised that Dr Mario World was even out yet. I shall have to give it a review, regardless of your searing opinions.

CHUNKY MUNKY

With a week to go I think it's time to launch ChunkyText, the teletext service for Chunky Fringe at Digitiser Live!ChunkyText can be viewed on your PC or mobile device by visiting https://temp.zxnet.co.uk/teletext-viewer/cf.htmlMarvel at pages recovered from VHS tape, and the articles and artwork submitted by the digi/teletext community.ChunkyText isn't just a blocky one way street either. In a wildly irresponsible move I'm handing you the internet the keys to the pixelated bus, in the form of the 'Block Party teletext editing server'.Using the editors provided, you can craft your own teletext drawings of worms, slippery barrel reviews, adverts for swan repellent, whatever takes your fancy, and have it go live on the service at the push of a button!The editing server is at http://blockparty.zxnet.co.ukFinally there's also a twitter scraper (on page 130) looking out for your tweets mentioning #DigitiserLive, #ChunkyText, or #ChunkyFringe2019.Have fun and let me know if anything breaks!Alistair (@ZXGuesser)

Alistair is one of many kind souls who are giving up their Saturday - and working hard in the run-up - to make sure July 20th is a day that will live long in the memories of Digi fans. If you're coming to Digi Live, and you can get there early enough,

please try and pop into Chunky Fringe in the afternoon.  ​Also: go edit his thing.

IMAGINE THIS

Hey Biffs,Imagine all the people.Sharing all the world.It bloody isn’t possible though, is it? There’s literally billions of them. I’m struggling to imagine more than five or six and even then I’m duplicating facial hair and shoes. I mean, I’d have a hard time imagining my friends sharing a pizza, so all the people sharing all the world is a pretty big ask.How the hell does that guy get away with such nonsense?Love you,deKay xxx

Of all the Lennon songs you choose to single out for nonsense, this is the one you pick? 

Here come old flat topHe come groovin’ up slowlyHe got joo-joo eyeballHe one holy roller…

FOR CRISP'S SAKE

Dear Mr Biffo,These are my favourite crisps:Monster Munch (Pickled Onion/Beef)Hula HoopsQuaversSpace Raiders (Pickled Onion/Beef)Onion RingsFrazzles Salt and Vinegar Chip SticksWalkers Worcester SauceThanks, Lee

You're speaking my language, love. Though most of your choices wouldn't be on my list. Monster Munch and Hula Hoops hurt the inside of my mouth, Quavers are a bit nothing, Onion Rings are alright, but make you stink, Frazzles taste burnt, Chip Sticks I'll accept, and I've never been a fan of Worcester Sauce. That said, I'd eat any of them in an emergency. ​Only Space Raiders get my seal of approval, even though KP declined to sponsor Mr Biffo's Found Footage when I asked them. You know what I don't see these days? Tayto Puffs. Do they still do those? I once tried to buy a packet of them at a fun fair, and asked for a bag of crisps, pointing to them, and the woman serving snapped at me and said "They're not crisps - they're puffs".What did it matter? Silly old cow.

SPOTLIGHT

Dear Mizzle Bizzle,What sites do you use to get your actors from?What would you recommend putting in a profile on the aforementioned website?Possibly controversial, but what has happened to Gameplay Jenny/Jennyverse? Paul said there were only 4 of you when you said there were 5 in a recent video suggesting that she was no longer a part of Digitiser.Stu (36, Birmingham)
The 

Found Footage actors were mostly sourced from the website Fiverr, but a few were friends-of-Ashens. The main thing I go for is a) Green screen, and b) Whether they have a video I can watch. Oh, and c) Aren't too expensive. There are some people on there who charge literally hundreds of pounds per gig, the big idiots. I look for somebody who has something a bit quirky about them, though Fiverr isn't what it was a couple of years ago. The people on there are more slick now.Nothing controversial to say about Jenny - I've mentioned it a few times now. Simply that she didn't want to do Digitiser anymore. That's it. 

INCORRECT

Dear Mr BiffoWhy does autocorrect want to correct your perfectly reasonable name to Mr Boff?Cal, 34
Says someone whose full name - yes, we got to see it on the email - was autocorrected to "Cow Areola"...

500 Qs OF WHYTE: PART DEUX

391) What is your view of emulation? Should old games ideally be played on original hardware, including controllers, or does authenticity not matter greatly?392) Do you think that Nintendo's cautious approach to creating new IP internally have more to do with them being risk-averse or do their customers not embrace non-Mario and Zelda games enough?393) Have the PS4 Pro and Xbox One X, or at least the idea of a non-cosmetic, mid-generation upgrade been a success in your opinion?394) It is often reported in articles about diversity/representation in computer games that players are split ~ 50/50 between male and female. If you examine the demographics more closely, it is clear that there is high skewing towards each gender depending on game platform, with 'traditional' console games being far more popular with men and mobile games being dominated by women.Is this likely to be a significant barrier to improving representation in the console/PC space?395) As someone whom I believe is a Londoner (it's not always easy to tell what is and isn't London), what games do you think capture the city well? To me, it often seems that portrayals of London slip into caricature.John Whyte

No Whyte queries last week and two this week??? What madness is this?!391) For me, playing on the original hardware is a faff, and emulation offers a ton of benefits; sharper visuals, the option to save, instant loading. I get the appeal of loading something up in the old-fashioned way, but emulation is just so much more convenient.392) I don't think it's true that Nintendo's customers don't embrace new IPs. Splatoon has been pretty successful for them. Arms less so, perhaps, but they're two examples of very Nintendo-y games which aren't Mario and Zelda inspired.393) I don't have the sales stats to hand, but I don't really get a sense that most people are even aware that there are different tiers of power for the PS4 and Xbox One. I mean, the benefits offered by the supposed upgrade are so slight as to be unnoticeable to the average punter.394) Yeah, it's true - according to research - that the split is along console/mobile lines. Ultimately, I think it's going to come down to more women working in the games industry, more female voices and perspectives being put in games. It's why I have such issue with the storytelling in the recent Tomb Raider games. I know the scripts were written by women, but the teams working on those games were primarily male, nd you can see that reflected.​395) I wrote about this recently! I'm not sure many - if any - games capture London as I experience it. I mean, I'm a suburbs boy anyway. I love London, but I only go into the centre of town if I'm forced to. It's full of people. Those guys are the worst!

PUBLIC SHAMING

​Hello!Still being gay at my boyfriend's house so very little to say, but you asked for letters so HERE WE ARE.Do you have any funny stories from your time working at Teletext that you haven't shared publicly yet?When did you last have a poo?Have a great week,Chai (@teacupofchai)

I've probably exhausted my arsenal of very funny stories. ​No... wait. I have a memory of us going out at lunchtime and visiting a charity shop, and buying one of those robes that Islamic men wear (I've looked it up and they're called "thobes", "thawbs" or "dishdashas" which are all very funny words, and I swear I didn't make that up), and then wearing it. You probably couldn't do that today. I just thought it was a smock!​Actually, maybe I had exhausted my arsenal. "Arse n'all". Poo? Yesterday. I'm generally an after-lunch poosmith.

Talented artist, and Digi/Found Footage afficionado, Matt Doughty, has a brand new YouTube channel launching today. The channel is called Mind WarpZ, and you know it's going to be rad because the Warpz ends with a cool-dude letter Z!Here is how Matt describes the channel:

"Mind WarpZ is a channel focused on bringing humour and creative content to you. Working in collaboration with people deemed as 'outsiders'  to the art world, Mind Warpz aims to produce a new episode every fortnight and additional content throughout the week. ​"This first episode was produced on no budget and with no film crew (camera, sound), so please forgive some of the technical faults, however we hope that as the channel grows we can improve and strengthen the channel. Please can you like and subscribe and feel free to offer and suggestions or advice. Visit www.mindwarpz.com or visit https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwcBmdKsZshm_Yt2LgePMEw/featured to go to channel.Thank you for reading this :)"

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This Month in....1984 (ZX Spectrum)


1 Jet Set Willy

2 Manic Miner

3 Atic Atac

4 Lunar Jetman

5 Wheelie

6 Codename Mat

7 Football Manager

8 3D Deathchase

9 Scuba Dive

10 Chuckie Egg


ZX Spectrum Charts taken from Crash

Others will be added when available

This Month in....1989 (Commodore 64)


1 Robocop

2 Emlyn Hughes Soccer

3 Dragon Ninja

4 Turbo Esprit

5 League Challenge

6 Super Cycle

7 World Games

8 In Crowd

9 Werewolf

10 ADV Pinball Simulator


All Charts taken from C&VG

This Month in....1994 (Megadrive)


1 FIFA International Soccer

2 PGA European Tour

3 Sonic 3

4 NBA Jam

5 Mortal Kombat

6 Ren & Stimpy

7 Ground Zero Texas (Mega-CD)

8 Skitchin'

9 NHL Hockey '94

10 Castlevania


Sega Charts taken from C&VG

Nintendo Charts taken from C&VG

Amiga Charts taken from Amiga Format or C&VG

This Month in....1996 (Saturn)


1 Streetfighter Alpha

2 Panzer Dragoon Zwei

3 Sega Rally

4 Virtua Cop (game and gun)

5 NFL: Quarterback Club

6 X-Men Children of the Atom

7 FIFA '96

8 Sim City 2000

9 D

10 Wipeout


Sega Saturn Charts from Sega Saturn Magazine, with thanks to @SegaMags

This Month in....1999 (PC)


1 Championship Manager 3

2 Starsiege Universe

3 Baldur's Gate: Tales of the Sword Coast

4 Civilization: Call To Power

5 X-Wing: Alliance

6 GTA London 1969

7 Jimmy White's 2: Cueball

8 Commandos: Beyond the Call of Duty

9 Rollercoaster Tycoon

10 Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri


N64 & PlayStation Charts taken from C&VG

PC Charts taken from PC Zone

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Sun Jun 23 08:46:28 +0000 2019

@David_Challen I wish we had neighbours like this when I was small too

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Liked: 4
Wed Jun 19 20:56:45 +0000 2019

RT @OFalafel: The real hero of Street Fighter II was whoever sorted out all their flights and travel visas.

Retweeted: 1534
Liked: 0
Fri Jun 14 22:52:58 +0000 2019

RT @haveigotnews: Sadly, #HIGNFY isn’t on the air during the selection of a new Prime Minister. Fortunately, the dropping of court proceedi…

Retweeted: 13981
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Thu Jun 06 08:53:50 +0000 2019

@moonjam Brno +fireworks+film festival = true love — if u every come here, June is the month

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Thu Jun 06 08:47:26 +0000 2019

And after the show fireworks on Brno Lake. So in short, come to Brno - it’s brilliant here. Who knew!? (Probably lots of people but were keeping it secret) https://t.co/mxGB4miYAj

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Thu Jun 06 08:43:39 +0000 2019

It’s an immersive story, how we named the stars, ‘Arabian Nights:1001 Stars’ produced by the amazing @newangleuk

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Thu Jun 06 08:40:42 +0000 2019

Hoofing it up the hill to see ‘my’ show at Brno Fulldome Festival. Feeling on top of the world! https://t.co/bVnXC3CYu2

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Liked: 13
Sat Jun 01 15:45:54 +0000 2019

RT @arstechnica: One of my tweets set off a cross-country electric car record attempt https://t.co/w2r0sYyY3I by @drgitlin

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Fri May 31 09:49:45 +0000 2019

At the #Manga exhibition ⁦@britishmuseum⁩ - discovering that history goes much further back than those early 90s anime on scratchy VHS I so fondly recall https://t.co/bKB1EQ5HTO

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Fri May 24 13:43:48 +0000 2019

@samhoweynunn @thoughtben @AsteAmundsen @alisonkilling what a great theme and lineup but I sadly can't come to this one. Note: on the email you just sent it says Jan not June, you might want to update, although pretty obviously a typo.

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Fri May 17 04:36:45 +0000 2019

RT @geoffwhite247: Find out what happens when you don't play ball with facial recognition tech being trialed by UK police.... https://t.co…

Retweeted: 164
Liked: 0
Wed Apr 24 07:12:18 +0000 2019

@alomshaha The flash card computer/phone apps are good as they can be a shared activity between students. Or - last resort- YOU make them and they learn them.

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Wed Apr 24 07:10:29 +0000 2019

@alomshaha @myorangecrush I know a can’t-study teen who watched YouTube videos on 2x speed to stop attention wandering. Worked. Another can’t-study teen found flash cards help - last minute, panicked, minimal, but prob made a grade difference.

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Sat Apr 13 19:36:25 +0000 2019

RT @ZonePhysics: For those who have never seen a complete Rainbow 🌈 https://t.co/RTp307844y

Retweeted: 16373
Liked: 0
Sat Apr 13 17:07:58 +0000 2019

@britishlibrary thx for intensely satisfying #OTPc2 - my highlight of @londongamesfest - amazing speakers and hosts @miss_wisdom, @iRNY - bring on chapter 3

Retweeted: 1
Liked: 5

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